Harrison takes a drag and blows the smoke in the air. “Sam doesn’t care what I wear. You’re the talent, the sex God that’s going to sell records. I’m just the guy behind the drums.”
I choke on my tongue. “Sex God?”
“Yeah that’s what I heard her call you the other day. I’m cool with it. It means I won’t have any extra duties and I won’t be called to do any press conferences.” He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Believe me when I say I’m so very okay with this role. I just want to play music and I am because of you.”
I scoff. “I’m no sex God.”
Harrison leans back on the wooden divider that’s blocking us from the stage and points out into the crowd. “All those women are going to go nuts for you. Just remember to keep your clothes on.”
“No problem there,” I say, never intending to strip for the audience. “Hey” I say, changing the subject, “I was thinking of getting a tattoo.”
“Yeah? That’s almost like a rite of passage for rockers. We’ll go after the show. I need a new one anyway.”
Before I can respond, our name is called and Harrison walks away. There’s a roar from the crowd that reverberates through me. This is what I’ve been waiting for, dreaming of. This is why I left my life and my girl behind. I wanted to feel this moment. I want to see if I can entertain people like they’re entertaining me now.
I step out onto the stage accompanied by Harrison’s drumbeats. Way follows stealthily behind me and hits his notes on the piano. My guitar hangs at my side. I stop in front of the microphone stand, my hand holding onto the top of it as I turn and look at the crowd.
“I’m Liam and we’re 4 2 2 5 West,” I yell into the microphone.
“I love you, Liam,” someone yells back and as much as I want to tell them that I love them too, I won’t. I’ll never utter those words to another person as long as I live. I can’t see myself loving anyone but her and unless she’s out there yelling at me, I’m not saying it back.
“Thank you,” I say, instead. “We want to play a few songs for you and we hope you like them. If you do, our CD is for sale and if you don’t like it… well you can buy it and give it your enemy or something as a nice gesture.”
Harrison plays ba-dum-tsh on the drums and everyone laughs. Perfect, they think I’m a comedian. I glance over at Sam who is shaking her head and moving her hand in a circle, telling me to get things going. I nod and look over my shoulder as Harrison begins the beat to the song I wrote for my girl. I didn’t want to record it, but he encouraged me to. I changed some of the lyrics, but it’s still her song.
“Here’s our first single,” I say into the microphone to the excitement of the crowd. We’ve had some airplay on the major station in Los Angeles to get us ready for today’s show. Not gonna lie, as soon as I heard my voice on the radio I had to pull over, roll up my windows and turn it up. Chills enveloped my body as I sang the words that have haunted me for almost a year. Her face flashed before my eyes, her sitting on my bed with her arms crossed over her chest, watching me, wondering what the fuck I was doing.
As the lyrics take shape in my mind I look out at the crowd and look for her. Is she here and if so, will she try to talk to me? Will she make her presence known? Most importantly will she tell me that it doesn’t matter what I am or what I do for a career, she’ll love me for me?
I can only hope.
I strum my guitar, my hand and fingers moving fluidly. That is one thing I’m very appreciative of Sam for because she had me take lessons. I can play comfortably now and have been learning to play the piano as well. I used to think music calmed me, but now I feel like I’m in a trance-like state. I love the way each note, whether from the guitar or piano, makes me feel, the way the
sound works its way into my body, into my soul.
Before I open my mouth to sing, I spot my grandma off to the side of the stage sporting a 4225 West t-shirt. I have to laugh at the pure sight of her not dressed to impress, but dressed like a groupie. It dawns on me that I have a groupie and regardless of who she is or how old she is, she’s mine.
I belt out the lyrics that mean so much to me. Hell, each song I’ve written is about her. I have a feeling Harrison thinks I’m a sap, but oh well. When your heart beats for one and that one isn’t with you, nor do you know how to stop her from consuming you day in day out; what else can you do? Nothing, that’s what. Your life takes on a different meaning when you break your own heart.
The last verse bellows from my mouth and I’m surprised and humbled to see fans singing along. Is that a sign? If so, I’m taking it and running with it. If I can create something that others can relate to maybe this is my destiny.
The first thing you’re gonna see with the sunrise
Is my arms wrapped around your body so tight
As we reflect on the love we shared
We’ll realize it’s not a one night love affair.
Girl I never wanna leave your side
Don’t want to be strangers in the night
I let my last word trail off and the roar of the crowd is deafening. I can’t help smiling My grin is spreading across my face like wildfire as I look back at the crowd. They’re clapping, some are jumping up and down and there are even a few who are locked in embraces with their significant others.
I own this moment.
“That was amazing.” My grandma greets me first with her hands on my cheeks before pulling me into a hug. “Oh my word, Liam, I’m so proud of you.”