I take off my shoes and socks and follow Harrison out onto the sand. It only takes a few moments for the kids to come running up to me. They’re wet and sandy, but I don’t care. The short time I spent with the twins was enough to earn me the title of uncle even if I was using them to pick up the birds by the pool. After saying hello, they run back to Katelyn, their laughter echoing along the beach. Anyone who walks past will know that this is a happy house, a house full of love. That’s what I want to give Jenna, I know I’m not going to even get close to what Harrison has because he and I aren’t cut from anywhere near the same cloth.
Harrison and I walk down the beach. The last time I was here we went surfing, but that’s the last thing I want to do today. Today I’m hoping he actually takes me out into the waves and drowns my pathetic self for fucking up the lives of everyone around me.
“So you’re married to a woman you hardly know who is pregnant, and your ex-fiancé is also pregnant.”
“I know Jenna very well,” I rebut.
“Oh yeah, what’s her favorite song?”
I roll my eyes and kick the sand in front of me.
“Did you tell Chelsea that you were getting married?”
“No. I didn’t know I was until I found out Jenna was pregnant and how many months she was. I whisked her to Bora Bora, proposed, got married and we had a honeymoon. It was great, perfect actually. Until I went back to being a complete numpty and came back. Now all I can think about is how happy I am that I didn’t bring her with me to LA”
“When did you and Chelsea get back together?”
I shake my head. “We haven’t. We shagged before I went back to Beaumont, but since I had that night with Jenna at Liam’s wedding; I’ve been thinking about Jenna non-stop. When I was with Chelsea everything seemed fake and forced. I wasn’t into it. I pushed her off me.”
“Damn man, that’s harsh.” Harrison laughs. I push him, but realise that he’s right, what I did was harsh. Apparently that hasn’t put her off, though, as she’s in my flat, making herself at home.
“I think the baby might be my dad’s.”
“Say what?” Harrison chokes on his beer.
“I saw them kissing and shit. I don’t know, mate. Would my dad do something like that?”
Harrison shakes his head. “I want to say no, but Chelsea might. I don’t know, man, the whole thing seems fucked up.”
“What am I going to do?”
We stop walking and stare out into the sea. “The way I see it, you can tell Jenna about Chelsea. She’ll understand. She’s a good person and if I know her, she’ll tell you to go and be with Chelsea.”
“I don’t want to be with Chelsea.”
“What do you want, JD?”
“My wife.”
“Then why the fuck are you standing on my beach? Go back to Beaumont and get her. We have a month before we leave on tour. Go spend time with her, cherish her. Fuck like rabbits if you have to, but just go to her.”
“When did you turn into a smart arse?”
Harrison laughs. “When I started plugging into Katelyn.”
I told him what today is, what it meant to me. I thought, as my husband and the father of my child, he’d be here, but he’s not. Sitting by myself in a doctor’s office full of expectant women would be much easier if I was alone and single. I am, alone that is, in every sense of the word, except they all look at me briefly before turning away. It’s the pity party that I’ve wanted to avoid. They look at the ring on my finger then to the empty chairs on either side of me and shake their heads. Their husbands sit there without a care in the world, reading the most recent edition of Sports Illustrated. Their job is done. They fertilized the egg and make their mandatory monthly appearance just to keep their wives happy.
I want my husband to do the same thing. Or at least tell me he’s not going to be one of those dads that takes time out of their day to attend doctor’s appointments and that I shouldn’t have any wild expectations about what our marriage really is.
A sham.
A cover.
A publicity stunt.
I’m sure he is trying to avoid having his name spread all over the tabloids saying that he knocked up some random chick and didn’t do the right thing. It’s probably bad for his image and will mean the hook-ups will be non-existent for him now. I know I was random, but he married me. He made me feel special, wanted. He told me he wanted this baby and was in this for all the right reasons.
Then he left.