Something needs to change, but I’m not sure what. Either my cold showers need to be longer, or I’m really going to have to make a play for her, because I’m not sure I can stand the pressure anymore. It’s like a fucking tease show. I’ll let you kiss me when I’m drunk. You can hold my hand when you’re sober. We can make-out during a scary ride, but everything else is a ‘no’ when we are in our everyday lives. I hate not being able to touch her. I really want to touch her.
Instant dread washes over me when I look at the empty seat. JD is in the corner trying not to laugh and Liam is shoveling food into his mouth so he doesn’t have to talk. I try to adjust myself discreetly and lower my plate so she can’t see the obvious. I hate my band-members.
I have to squeeze by her, brushing her shoulder as I pass. There’s a jolt of desire in my groin when I touch her. I bite my lip, trying to hold back a moan. Who the hell moans in this situation? I need some serious help.
“The guys and I have been doing a lot of thinking.” Liam starts. We have? I want to ask. I remember this morning we started talking, but he needed to think. I wasn’t aware a conclusion had been discussed. This ought to be interesting.
“Are you going to fire me? I think you should.” I look at Katelyn questioningly. She shrugs and takes a bite of her salad. When we went out to dinner she ate pizza like nobody’s business. I’ve never seen a woman eat like that before.
“No, I’m not firing you. JD gave me some information that I need to investigate, so we’re giving you another chance.” Liam looks at his watch and nods. “We need to be at Ralph’s in an hour for a gig. Linda’s going to watch the kids.”
“Is this up for debate?”
Liam folds his hands, all dad-like. I want to laugh, but I know he’s trying to be professional with her. “It’s Friday night, you need a night out. Case closed.” Liam leaves and is quickly followed by JD, leaving their half-eaten dinner sitting on the table. I can’t leave because I’m stuck behind her, just not the way I want to be.
“You’ll have fun.”
“I doubt it.”
“Come on,” I say, taking a chance by moving her hair off her shoulder. I lean in, desperate to nuzzle her neck. I could get lost in her scent for days if she’d allow me. “I like drunk Katelyn.”
With that, I get up and take long strides to the basement door. I need to get away from her before I do something to get slapped, although it might be worth it.
I rush down the stairs and start packing my drums. They’re a bitch, but I left my other set in Los Angeles because I honestly didn’t think Quinn and I would like it here. I didn’t want to move everything at once. I suppose when we go back for Liam and Josie’s bachelor parties I can rent a truck and bring them back. Hell, maybe if I’m lucky, Katelyn will want to do a road trip and we can stop every few hundred miles and christen the sites.
That would be some road trip.
I don’t want to be here, let alone dressed the way I am. I could kill Liam. I’m going to kill Josie. I should’ve left the minute Harrison walked out of the kitchen. Made my escape, but no, I felt compelled to clean up their stupid mess. If I were home, no one would’ve come to look for me. I could’ve locked the door and buried myself into my sofa with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Instead, I’m sitting in Ralph’s wearing skintight jeans with an equally tight black tank that says I’m with the Band. Seriously? Are we teenagers again?
Sometimes I want to be. Go back to when it was just the four of us at the water tower or the drive-in movies. Those were the good days. Getting ready for prom in my bathroom and Josie using me as a cover so she could spend the night with Liam. I shudder, thinking of the twins doing half the shit that we did, but I know they will. Most of it is tradition, a rite of passage. I just won’t have Mason around to scare the boys away.
Of course, I couldn’t leave once we walked in because Ralph was there to greet us. I haven’t been back since 4225 West held a charity concert for me after Mason’s birthday and just one look from Ralph makes me feel guilty.
I look around and take in the fans here to see the guys. When we were on tour I only caught a few glimpses here and there, but being up front and center, my eyes are taking in a lot of… skin. I don’t know how Josie does this without getting jealous. I’m not sure I could. The way the guys are talked about… it makes me cringe and feel very sorry for them.
Josie and I are sitting on the edge of the dance floor, both of us with a bucket of beers on our table, waiting for the guys. I know once they come on stage, she’ll be up front because she’s the biggest groupie of all. Not that I can blame her, she lost Liam once and I know hell would have to freeze over before she gave him up again.
“How do you do it?” I ask before pulling a bottle from the ice-cold bucket and popping the top. I tip my head back and let the cold amber liquid fill my mouth. I shouldn’t drink, but Liam’s right – it’s Friday night and I have a babysitter – I should take advantage.
Josie shrugs. “Some of it bothers me, but I trust him. I know that he’s coming home to me at the end of the night and wouldn’t touch anyone. He’s got too much to lose.”
I marvel at her resilience. I’m not sure I would’ve forgiven him if I were in her shoes. I was there, holding her hair back when she was heaving the contents of her stomach day after day. She was a mess for a long time, but now she’s glowing. She smiles every day and it makes me want to have what she has. Knowing I did and lost it kills me.
THE crowd grows the closer it gets to show time. From where we’re sitting, we won’t be able to see them very well. Not that I need to watch them, although this is my opportunity to check out Harrison without him looking. Yes, I admit it, he’s starting to get to me, but it’s not enough for me to throw in the towel. He’s intriguing and I have a feeling there’s more to him than a drummer in a rock band. I’m just not sure I’m the right person to figure out who he is exactly. I don’t have anything to offer him. I’m afraid I’m not enough for someone like him.
The lights dim and the fans start screaming. There’s excitement in the air, I can feel it coursing through me. Today I can be a fan without having to make sure the guys are taken care of, Ralph will do that tonight.
Josie stands on her chair and whistles as Liam takes the stage.
“Hey baby,” he says into the microphone, making all the women go nuts. Too bad he’s only talking to her. I shake my head and start laughing. It’s like those two were never apart.
I decide to stand on my chair too or I won’t be able to see. I’m praying no one will bump into me. The last thing I need is to do a table dive. Jimmy comes out next and instantly starts flirting with some of the women in the front row. He holds one of their hands and leans down to their ear. Who knows what he’s saying, probably giving her his number. I’m honestly surprised that he’s not more of a PR nightmare. Some days he acts like a family man and the next, he’s the man-whore of the group.
Harrison comes on stage last. He’s switched from a beanie to a baseball cap that he’s wearing backward. I remember very clearly the last time I saw his hat like that. I hold my breath when he looks out into the crowd. Is he looking for me? Half of me wants him to, but the other half wills him to find someone that can give him what he wants.
Harrison makes a few adjustments before he spins his sticks in between his fingers, then he claps them together and counts to four. I look over at Josie, who is nodding her head and yelling at Liam.
The song is new, something I’ve never heard before. Josie seems to know the lyrics because she’s singing right along. My heart aches with love for Liam and Josie. He has this talent and is able to write songs about her. I can’t even make it a day without thinking about what Mason’s voice sounded like and how I’ll never hear the words I love you said to me again, and here’s my best friend, being sung to like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do for her.