I grab his cheeks and turn him to face me. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why not yell and scream at me? Confront me? I knew something had happened, but I couldn’t figure it out. When Peyton and I went to Aruba, Noah had made sure the plane had roses and champagne for her, and I told her I wanted a love like hers. She told me I had it if I opened my eyes and finally looked at you. I told her then that I thought we slept together but wasn’t sure. All week, I thought about you and what you were doing, wondering if you missed me half as much as I missed you.”
“Believe me, I have.”
“So why not tell me, Ben?”
He inhales deeply and looks away. Ben pushes his thumb and index finger into his eyes. He does this when he’s about to cry. “I was afraid you’d tell me it was a mistake and I’d rather live with you not remembering than hating me for the rest of my life.”
“Oh, Ben,” I cry out as tears start to fall from my eyes. I climb into his lap and pepper him with kisses, ones I hope he wants from me. “I could never hate you, even when you were trying to push me away. I’ve spent countless hours trying to figure out my life, and the only thing that makes sense to me is you. You’ve been my constant for as long as I can remember and I don’t want to give that up unless you do.”
Ben’s arms wrap arou
nd my waist. “Not a chance in hell. I’ve been waiting for you for a lifetime.”
“Can we try, Ben? Can we date and see if our connection is real, and not based on years of friendship? I want us to be sure, the both of us.”
“I’ll happily date you, Elle Powell-James. Starting with tomorrow morning. Can I show you the city?”
I nod. “I’d really like that, but first we need some sleep.” I slip off his lap and take him by the hand, pulling him into the bedroom. The comforter’s pulled back from when I was lying in here earlier. I kneel on the bed and look at Ben. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, except if I stay here, I’m going to want to touch you and I think we should wait.”
“Wait for what?” I question.
“Until we’re sure. Sex complicates things.”
“We’ve slept in the same bed before, Ben. We can put a pillow between us.”
Ben laughs as he comes into the room farther. He takes my hand and kisses the top of it. “I’m in love with you, and I’m not asking you to say it back to me, I am asking that you let us take things slow, let our relationship build until the point where we know without a doubt that we want to be together.”
“I can do that,” I tell him. I rise on my toes and place a kiss on his lips. “Until tomorrow.”
“Bright and early. I’ll pick you up.” Ben kisses me again. It’s short and perfect and leaves me longing for more. “Sweet dreams, Elle.”
28
Ben
It seems as if the only thing I’m really good at right now is leaving Elle. Evident by the fact that I’m walking alone back to my apartment and she’s blocks away, after asking me to stay. The decision I made was the right one though. Had I stayed… well, I don’t think having a pillow between us would’ve kept me away from her. What started tonight, is what I’ve been waiting for - a chance. A chance to finally prove my worth to her, to show her I can be everything she wants in a man and more.
The walk back to my place takes no time at all, and before I know it, I’m looking up at Talia’s window. Her light is on, which means she’s likely awake and reading or hopefully working on our project. Even though I have the job offer, I still want to win the competition.
I take the steps two at a time, hurrying until my closed fist is poised to knock on her door. I feel like I’ve done something wrong by kissing Elle tonight, and in hindsight, I suppose I had considered kissing Talia on a few occasions before we were interrupted. I don’t expect Talia to understand or forgive me, but I’m going to apologize to her and pray she doesn’t slap me in the face, although, I deserve an ass beating.
After a few minutes of silence, the locks start to disengage. She opens her door but leaves the chain attached, preventing me or anyone else for that matter, from stepping into her apartment.
“Can we talk?”
“It’s late,” she says.
“I know. I’m sorry, but I want to explain what happened tonight.” Talia closes the door, removes the chain, and reopens it quickly. She steps aside and allows me to walk into her studio. Her apartment is different from mine. Whereas my walls are bare, she’s put up tapestry and placed scarves over lamp shades to give her a place a homey feel. I guess I didn’t care that much or didn’t want to get attached. I can easily say I won’t live in this block when I come back for the job, that’s if I take it.
“Do you want something to drink or eat? We have all that Chinese food left.” My stomach does a little flip and starts to gurgle at the thought of food. I’m hungry, but I don’t feel right eating here. I’m not sure Elle would understand, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, I can’t keep secrets from her.
“I’m good but thank you. Mind if I sit down?”
Talia nods. I take the chair, leaving the couch for her. I don’t want to give out the wrong impression by sitting on the sofa. When she comes into the room, I try to smile, but it feels forced, so I stop. “So… how do you know Elle?”
“I’m sort of curious how you know her, honestly.”