“I am… we had a falling out, and I’ve been trying to give him space because you’re dating.”
This time she laughs. “Ben and I aren’t dating.”
“You’re not?”
“No, I’m subletting from him.”
As her words sink in, I try not to cry. Ben moved and didn’t tell me. Am I that big of a bitch that he’d keep something like this from me. “Oh, right. I’m sorry to bother you.” I rush back to the apartment I share with Quinn, slam the door and run to my room where I collapse onto my bed. Tears that have been building for weeks finally come to fruition and pour out of me like a faucet. He left me because I’m selfish, evil, and have made the most deplorable mistake ever.
My door opens, and the smell of Quinn’s cologne fills my room. “What the hell is going on?” he asks, sitting down on the edge of my bed. I look at him with my tear-streaked face. His face falls and pulls me into his arms. “Talk to me, Elle.”
“I messed up so bad, Quinn. You were right, I need help, but it’s too late because Ben’s gone.”
“What do you mean, Ben’s gone?”
“He moved to New York,” I say through ragged breaths. “He lied about the girl living in his apartment. He told me her name is Talia and it’s not, her name’s June, and he’s moved. He didn’t even say goodbye.” I cry louder, and Quinn’s grip on me becomes firm. He rocks me back and forth, telling me everything will be okay. But he doesn’t know that. No one does. I screwed up and lost the one person outside my family I could count on.
“There’s more. I slept with him and acted like I didn’t remember.” My crying sounds like a wailing child who doesn’t get what they want. Typical, Elle.
“Why did you lie to Ben?”
I sit up and wipe away the tears and snot. “I didn’t, not at first. I honestly didn’t remember. I had so much to drink at his birthday party, and when I woke up, I was confused. My therapist says my mind blocked it out, out of fear of losing Ben, but I lost him anyway because he’s gone. What am I going to do, Quinn?”
It’s an open-ended question. I know this. His answer could be anything sarcastic, like stop partying, drinking and doing who knows what else. The thing is, I have stopped, and I don’t know if Quinn has noticed. However, I stopped too late, and now Ben’s left me for good.
“I can’t believe he’s dropped out of school.”
“I know, right? That’s so unlike Ben.” And it’s unlike me to sleep around, but I did that, and now I’m paying the price.
Quinn shakes his head. “I don’t know what you’re going to do, but wallowing isn’t going to help. Get dressed. You’re coming with me.”
I look down at my clothes and back to him. “I am dressed.”
“No, get, like, going out dressed. I have a gig, but I want you to hear the opening act.”
My eyes go wide. I’m in no shape or form to go out. Not to mention, he told me he’d never hire me so why would he encourage me to listen to another band. “Quinn…”
He stands and holds my hands. “Listen to me. I know I said some mean stuff, but I’ve seen changes in you. Big changes and so have Mom and Dad. Come with me tonight and listen to some music. It will take your mind off things. Plus, it might inspire you and remind you of what you want to do.”
“The only thing I’m inspired to do is lie in bed and feel sorry for myself.”
“Which is code for texting and calling Ben until he answers, right?”
Oh, look, fuzzball. I pick at my comforter, refusing to answer Quinn. I hadn’t thought about either of those things because I don’t know what I’d say. Calling him earlier wasn’t because I wanted to talk… well, it was, but it was to see if he was home, and I wanted to hear his voice because I miss him.
Does Ben miss me? I like to think so, but after learning what I have done, I don’t know if I’d miss me if I were him. He’s smart to ignore me, move away and do whatever else he’s doing.
“What if Ben has a girlfriend in New York?” I ask Quinn out of the blue.
“Random,” he says. “And what if he does?”
I shrug.
“Are you saying you like Ben?”
I shrug and feel my cheeks heat up. I shouldn’t be embarrassed for liking someone, but it’s Ben, and Ben is different. Ben is… well, he’s my Ben and always has been. For years, we were accused of dating on the sly, but we never did, and now I’m asking myself why not. What held me back? He has everything I’m looking for if I were looking. Ben’s sweet, caring, and family oriented. My parents and siblings love him. His brother doesn’t care for me, but whatever. Ben’s ambitious and supportive. He’s hot, sexy and his smile used to make me weak in the knees. After so many years, I’ve become immune to his charms, but I don’t want to be anymore. I want to be the woman he smiles at and who has to hold onto him so she doesn’t trip. I want my best friend back, but I want so much more with him.
“Elle?”