“I have to go, Elle.”
“At least tell me her name so I can be cordial.” No, I don’t want you to be anything to June. I want you to continue believing she’s my girlfriend and it breaks your heart.
“Talia. Her name’s Talia, but she doesn’t know about you, and I’d like to keep it that way.”
There’s a long pause before Elle answers, “I see.”
“It’s complicated, Elle. Right now, everything is just a mess and… I have to go.” I hang up quickly and set my phone to Do Not Disturb. Knowing Elle the way I do, she’ll end up drowning her sorrows in liquor and will start texting me all night. It’s still early for her, and she’s no doubt just getting started with the partying.
Never in a million years did I think her and I wouldn’t be friends, and most of my life I imagined us together. What’s worse, losing her means I’ve likely lost her whole family. I don’t see myself hanging out with them or being invited to any of their gatherings. Mr. and Mrs. PJ have always treated me as part of the family, but only because I was an extension of Elle.
I make sure my alarm is set, and I roll over. As soon as I close my eyes, I see Elle sitting next to me in the uncomfortable waiting room chair while we wait for news on Peyton. I left Los Angeles to comfort her, to be there for her. I held her while she cried, turned my head when she’d disappear for hours, and made sure her family was taken care of. I did this because I’m so in love with her, it hurts. But not anymore.
The pain from loving Elle James stops now.
19
Elle
“That’s Ben’s girlfriend?” Michelle says as she pulls down her sunglasses. A small pang of jealousy washes over me, knowing Talia is getting all the best parts of Ben right now, like his amazing sense of humor, his kind heart and how he always knows what I need. Well, I guess he knows what she needs now.
“Yeah.”
“She’s definitely out of college.”
“I think she’s a nurse. I’m not sure though. She definitely works in the hospital.” It would figure Ben would date someone professional like a nurse or medical student, someone whose career is going to help people as opposed to what I want to do. I turn my attention back to my magazine, trying to dilute my mind with frivolous stories of the rich and famous, yet I can’t seem to focus on what the Kardashians are up to these days because my sister’s words keep replaying in my mind, Ben is my Noah. Peyton can see it, but I’m not sure I can or want to. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, even though I know the reason he’s been so distant is because of the mistake I made. Losing Ben isn’t an option for me.
“She’s really pretty.”
I know. I sigh. I’ve been spying on Talia since the night Ben, and I spoke on the phone. Oddly, I still haven’t seen Ben either at home or on campus. I’d ask some of his classmates, but I don’t know any of them, which only proves how selfish I’ve been where Ben’s concerned. What type of friend only focuses on her own friends? Me. I’m that type of friend, and I disgust myself because of it.
“Do you want a hard seltzer?” Michelle reaches into her cooler and shows me the silver can with a mermaid on it. As much as I want to drink it, I shouldn’t. I’ve been doing really well at staying sober, and I don’t want to mess it up. There’s a lot on the line for me right now, and alcohol doesn’t help my decision making process.
“No thanks, I have water.”
“What’s with you? You haven’t been out with us in weeks, and now you’re drinking plain water when you could be drinking spiked water.”
“It’s our last quarter of school. I need to do well.”
Michelle comes from money. I suppose I do as well, but not like her. Her family comes from old money. Not exactly sure, what that means but her father is a philanthropist and travels a lot. Her mother, according to Michelle, lunches. Which according to Michelle means her mom’s screwing the pool boy. Her stories about her family make me so incredibly thankful for mine. Anyway, Michelle skates by at school because her family owns a building or something and no one wants to rock the boat, so to speak, on funding.
“Yeah, I guess,” she says, but she still lifts the seltzer to her lips and takes a big drink. When these spiked seltzers came out, they were and still are all the rage. Low-calorie water with alcohol, what more could someone ask for. “Oh, here she comes. What do you think she’s doing?”
I look up from my magazine to watch Talia come down the stairs. It looks like she’s wearing a cover-up, which means she likely has her swimsuit on, which means… “Do you think she’s coming in here?”
“Unless she’s going to the beach, but traffic would be horrible at this time.” Michelle looks at her wrist and laughs. I roll my eyes because she’s not wearing a watch. “Where did Ben say he met her?”
“I didn’t ask, and he hasn’t been exactly forthcoming about her.”
“But you’re like besties.”
Were. I don’t bother to correct her. Right now, I don’t know what Ben and I are. We’re definitely not on the same speaking terms we’ve been on since high school. Nor is he sharing information about his new love. I always thought that when Ben finally decided to settle down, he’d introduce her to me so we could be friends. It’s pretty clear Ben’s been dating Talia for some time because she’s living in his apartment. Have I been so lost in my own head that I didn’t even notice her around?
No, none of this makes sense. As much as I want to deny it, I’m certain something happened between us on the night of his birthday and if that’s the case, where was Talia? Would Ben cheat? No, I don’t think he would because he’s so loyal, so none of this makes sense. Ben isn’t the type of guy who moves fast, so where did Talia come from?
“I’m going to go talk to her.” Tossing my magazine down, I stand. Michelle does too, except she places her hands on my shoulders.
“And say what?”