“Elle, you’re lost at the moment, nothing more.”
“Well, maybe I can’t be found.”
“Now you know I don’t believe that for a second.”
“But what if I am, Daddy?”
“I won’t let you be. I’ll do what I have to, to find you and bring you back from whatever it is that’s going on. I can’t even imagine what you experienced when Peyton was lying in that hospital bed. To see your twin sister like that, it had to be the hardest thing you’ve ever gone through. We each coped a different way, and thinking back, your mom and I should’ve put you and Quinn into some sort of therapy.”
“Quinn? Why him, he’s perfect.”
“He’s not, and he suffered as well. We all did, and once we knew Peyton was going to be okay, we sort of went back to our lives, or at least we’ve tried to. I often lie awake at night, wondering what she’s doing, what you and Quinn are doing. As a parent, you never stop worrying. You never forget the bad things.”
“I haven’t forgotten.”
“I know. For as long as I live, I’ll never fully understand the bond you share with Peyton.”
“It’s a twin thing,” I tell him. “We can’t explain it.”
“And no one is asking you to, but what your mom and I are demanding is an effort. Your grades are not acceptable, Elle. The partying has to stop. I understand wanting to hang out with your friends on the weekends, I get it, but school comes first.”
“Or what?” I hedge.
My dad sighs. “You’ll be cut off. We will no longer fund your education or your apartment. If Quinn chooses to allow you to live there, it’ll be his choice.”
“All because I’m getting bad grades? That doesn’t seem fair.”
“It’s not, but we don’t know how else to get through to you.”
I look around campus, watching as my peers enjoy the springtime sun, wishing I could be out there. I could if I want to defy my dad. My tears start to flow heavily, and my heart aches. It’s not broken but damaged. The one person I want to lean on is not returning my calls, and I know, deep down, it has to do with last weekend. I woke up naked and in his bed, yet he tells me nothing happened. I’m not buying his story, but don’t have the guts to ask him to tell me the truth, mostly out of fear of what the truth is. If Ben and I have crossed the line, I don’t know how I’ll forgive myself for putting him in that situation.
“Daddy…” I can’t finish my sentence without another sob taking over.
“I know, princess. Believe me, it breaks my heart to say these things to you, but I don’t know what else to do. I’m worried about you and think you need some help. If you want to take the last two quarters off and go on a retreat, we can set that up.”
“I’m not a drug addict.” My words sound hollow.
“No one is saying you are.”
“But you want to send me away.”
“No, Elle, we want to get you the help you need in order to succeed. Right now, you’re your own worst enemy, and you’re self-destructing. I’m sorry, but I won’t stand by and watch you ruin your life. You won’t be a Hollywood statistic.”
“Is that what you’re worried about, your image?”
My dad groans and I picture him rubbing his hand over his face. It’s what he does when he’s frustrated. “No, but I’m worried about yours. You aspire to be something in this crazy industry, and as much as I’ve pushed for you and Quinn to seek out different careers, you’re both hell-bent on working in music. I’ve supported this, against my better judgment, but if you think your name is going to get you places, you’re mistaken. Currently, social media presence is everything and right now, your image is that of a party girl. Is that what you want prospective clients to see?”
He said prospective clients, which makes me believe he has faith in my ability to lead a music group to stardom. It’s what I want most, especially after the way my dad’s band was treated early on. I have notes on their former manager, Sam, on how not to act and conduct business, and have vowed to be better than she was personally and professionally. One thing’s for sure; I’ll never get involved with my talent. Crossing that line would be worse than crossing it with my best friend.
“No, it’s not.”
“Then fix it, Elle. Get serious about life and your future.”
“What if it’s too late?”
“It’s not. Just do what Mr. Tesh says; go to the tutoring sessions, meet with the groups and participate. Your grades are what they are this quarter, but next quarter they can be better. Right now, all your mom and I want is for you to be happy, healthy and to pass this current quarter. If you fail a class, it has to be made up before graduation.”
“I know,” I say meekly.