d wave, but Lena was in a less than half-hearted mood. Her lies were running her down. They would catch up with her in a few days’ time.
She’d never meant for any of this to happen, but her dad was heartsick and she couldn’t stand the pain in his voice every time he called and begged her to move back home. The fact that she would lose him soon tore at her very soul.
Her father didn’t understand—would never understand—she couldn’t stay there anymore. Not looking like she did. Everywhere Lena went in her hometown, someone who knew the beauty queen turned five o’clock weather girl was there. Pitying looks followed by some well-intentioned statement of how hard it must be for her considering . . .
They never finished their sentiment; they didn’t need to. Lena knew they meant to go from being the beauty to being the beast. It was hard, harder than anyone could imagine. But harder than that is knowing I’m unlovable.
Even here, people knew, but since she wasn’t their weather girl, the looks didn’t seem as pitying. Of course, everyone here still knows, my accident made statewide news.
Lena lost everything as a result of that day—her career, her sight for the most part, her shallow boyfriend, and her freedom.
Now she had to rely on ride shares and cabs to go places. She was a virtual prisoner in her own body. But Lena would be damned if her dad would be locked up right along with her. Lena would prove to him her life wasn’t ruined and she was happy. It wasn’t the truth, but the truth didn’t seem to matter in the grand scheme of things.
It was a freak accident that no one could’ve expected or dodged. Lena and her dad were sitting at a red light when a piece of rebar from the construction site at the corner shot from a saw and right through the open passenger’s window.
No matter that it wasn’t her dad’s fault, his guilt was a living thing. It chewed away at him every day and she couldn’t stand it. If her dad wanted her to be happy and in love, then he would get happy and in love. Lena had already searched escort services online.
The men on those sites were unreal with Superman abs and Brad Pitt good looks, but she had to pick one. Tonight she’d make her final selection. Lena hoped she could find a “regular” guy so it would be convincing.
His clothes already occupied space in her closet, his sports memorabilia waiting to go up on her mantle—as soon as she peeled off the “Made In China” sticker—and his used toothbrush in the holder. Everything was in place, all she had to do was dial the number and give them her credit card. Why she’d put it off, she didn’t know, because they really needed the prep time if they were going to fool her father. Even her carefully prepared packet might not be enough if he wasn’t ready to study for his paycheck.
Lena was leaving nothing to chance, it was too important that she convince her father that she was fine and he hadn’t ruined her life. He was too important. The man raised her single-handedly after her mom walked out when Lena was still in diapers. Her dad made it through scraped knees, first heartbreak, and even her period without so much as a blink, but this was slowly killing him.
It’s killing me too, but I can accept that, he can’t.
As she tucked her roses into the crook of her arm to dial a ride, a small golden ball of fluff barreled into her. Her roses and phone hit the sidewalk with her crashing down on top of them. Noooo, those were Cindy’s last roses for the week.
Tears threatened to spring forth as the hopelessness of her life settled around her, but then the young golden retriever was in her lap, paws on her chest and enthusiastically licking her face.
Her worry about the roses and her dad’s visit melted away. Who could be concerned with other business while hearing the cutest little excited whimpering sounds and receiving sweet puppy kisses?
A strange sound startled Lena until she realized it was her . . . laughing.
Lena hadn’t really laughed since her accident, and it felt strange . . . good, but strange. Her hands had a will of their own and without her permission; they were buried in the blonde fur.
Lena remembered feeling this way—happy—all the time . . . before. She missed it. She also missed working with rescue dogs. Helping with training so they could find their forever homes.
Of course, no one needs me now. Deep down she knew they would take pity on her and probably let her volunteer, but she couldn’t bring herself to be around people for too long. What good was she if she could barely see, couldn’t laugh, and didn’t even appreciate the little things in life anymore?
Having always been a “glass half full” kind of gal, this life was no real life to her. But those were worries for another day. Right now she was lost in a mood she hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever. It was an escape from her crappy existence and she hoped to cling to it as long as possible.
Something about puppy kisses and tail wags made the world of worries disappear. The center of happiness and healing truly was a wagging tail and a wet nose.
Ruffling the puppy’s fur had Lena giggling like a child. “Oh my goodness, such a sweet boy, aren’t you? Yes, you are, oh yes—”
An admonishing but silky deep voice broke the spell. “Bad girl, bad girl. You can’t just go . . .”
Lena tuned out the annoying but intriguing voice. “I’m sorry, girl, you’re not a boy at all, anyone can see that, right?” Lena leaned into the soft fuzzy ear and buried her face in silk. “And you’re not a bad anything and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”
Lena loved that she could tell it was a dog and it was a golden retriever, but she hated she couldn’t admire her gorgeous doggy face and study it. Was her nose all pink with no gray? Was her fur highlighted blond or did it cast a touch of red? These were things she missed, fine details. She squinted her good eye and could tell the nose was pink, but the highlights in the fur were beyond her ability to discern.
Casting her vision upward toward the voice wasn’t much better. It was clearly a man, a well-formed one judging from the shape backlit in the late morning sunshine. His shirt was light, pants dark and hair . . . yes? From ten feet she had nothing more to go on, but she really didn’t care, the golden girl, well, that was a different story.
Squinting as hard as she could she brought the perfect nose to her own and studied the dog in her arms. There was a spot of gray on her nose, her eyes a glowing amber color and her fur reflected the sun.
Definitely light blonde highlights. One mediocre eye was better than none, she reminded herself. That is until I have to look at my scars in the mirror. It was those times she wished she had no vision.
The man was still scolding the poor girl as she got to her feet and turned to retrieve her phone and roses.