“Jeff—”
“I can’t have you crying. You can’t be a part of this. You’re too good. Too perfect.”
Her eyes widened. “Perfect? Those words did not just leave your mouth.” She sniffed. “We were perfect once, Jeff. We had what few ever have. But we both destroyed that. Both of us. I’m far from perfect.”
He shook his head. She didn’t get it. She was beautiful. Yes, she’d made her own mistakes, but still she was innocent to the horrors of the world. He couldn’t taint her with this. How could he get her to see that?
She stood and looked up at him, her eyes still wet with tears but now burning with fire. “I’ve got news for you. I’m already a part of this. I’m a part of you, and I have been for over thirty years. You have demons? Guess what? So do I. Maybe not as frightening, but they’re there. And here’s another newsflash. Your demons are my demons. I will never be free of them either. Not until you’re free. And you can’t be free if you keep them inside. They’ll destroy you.” She moved closer, touched his cheek. “And I will go down kicking and screaming before I see you destroy yourself.”
“Mia—”
“I mean it, Jeff.” Her eyes were shooting darts. She slid her hand from his cheek down his shoulder and arm, and then took his hand. “Come with me.”
She led him to the living room, sat down on the couch, and patted the cushion beside her.
Jeff knew his face was streaked with tears. He badly needed a handkerchief. But he sat next to her anyway and fell into her arms, the sobs coming again.
Mia held him, smoothed his hair, didn’t mind that he was ruining her blouse. He cried and he cried and he cried. For how long, he didn’t know. Didn’t care. He cried for the years he’d missed with Maria, with Angie, with his niece and nephew. He cried for his grandfather and brother, whom he’d never really known. He cried for the poor boys in prison whose abuse he couldn’t stop.
And when he thought he was finally done crying, he cried some more.
Through it all, Maria held him to her breast and rocked gently back and forth, as if he were a child she was comforting.
He wasn’t sure how much time had elapsed when he pulled himself together. Maria rose without speaking and brought him a box of tissues. He wiped his running nose. She returned to the kitchen, and he heard the microwave running. A few minutes later, she came out holding a steaming mug.
She handed it to him. “Here. Chamomile tea.”
“Herbal tea?”
“It’ll help you relax.”
“I like regular tea.”
“You don’t need any caffeine right now. You’re strung up enough as it is. This’ll help.” She patted his hand. “Trust me.”
He reluctantly took the cup. “I didn’t even know I had chamomile tea.”
“It was in the cupboard. Angie probably left it when she moved.”
He couldn’t help but smile. Like mother like daughter.
“Drink up.”
He took a sip. Hmm. Not sweet. Not tea. But all in all not bad. Oh, hell, who was he kidding? It tasted like hot water.
“You ready to talk?” Maria asked.
He drowned in her dark brown eyes. She was so good. So caring. Had been an amazing mother to those three beautiful kids. Could she handle his demons?
As if he’d spoken aloud, she took his hand. “I’m here for you. I can deal with anything you had to deal with. I want to. It’s part of you, and I want to know every part of you, Jeff. I always have.”
“There were horrors there.”
She visibly swallowed. “I know.”
“Horrors I never wanted to bother you with.”
“I’m here. I’m asking you to bother me. I need you to. And you need to do it just as much.”