A glob of cold hit my vagina. I tried not to shudder.
“Relax,” she said.
So much for not shuddering.
“Now I’m going to insert the speculum. It shouldn’t hurt, but it will be cold.”
The lubricant was already cold, so I didn’t worry too much.
Right. Should have worried. The speculum was colder than the lube, and it stretched me open.
“Everything looks good in there. Now I’m going to do the pap smear. You might feel a little bit of cramping.”
I sucked in a breath. A little bit of cramping.
“Relax,” she said. “This only takes a few seconds.”
After what seemed like a lifetime, she withdrew the speculum. “Now I’m going to examine you manually to make sure your uterus and ovaries are the normal size for a woman your age.” She inserted her fingers into me, stretching me. It felt strange, but it wasn’t painful.
“Ovaries look good.” Pause. “Uterus is normal.” Pause. “Hmm.”
“What is it?” I asked, my heart speeding up.
“Probably nothing. You say you used a condom?”
“Yeah.”
“Your cervix feels a little soft.”
“Is that bad?”
“I want to do a pregnancy test.”
“But I can’t possibly be pregnant. Brad used a condom. I saw it.”
“I’m sure he did. And you’re probably not pregnant. But your cervix feels softer than usual, which could indicate pregnancy.”
“I… I don’t want the test.”
“Daphne, I understand your apprehension. Condoms are effective most of the time, so there’s probably nothing to worry about. But I want to check this out. I can’t give you oral contraceptives if you’re pregnant, so I need to rule it out.”
My heart was beating like a herd of galloping stallions. I’m not pregnant. I can’t be pregnant.
“I’ll need a urine sample,” she said. “Go ahead and get dressed. The bathroom is right next door. You’ll find wipes. Wipe front to back, please, and then begin your urine stream into the toilet. Once you’ve begun, give me a small sample in the cup, all right?”
“Yeah. Sure.” My voice was robotic.
She smiled. “Relax. There’s most likely nothing to worry about, okay?”
“Okay.” Breathe in. Breathe out. She’s a medical professional. She knows what she’s talking about.
She left the room, and I quickly got dressed, even though I could barely feel my legs. Whether it was from having them in the stirrups or from nerves, I had no idea. Probably nerves. I walked robotically out of the exam room and into the bathroom. The cups sat on a small table next to the sink with instructions to write my name on the cup with the permanent marker sitting next to them. I did so quickly, my hand shaking. Then I followed the instructions and peed in the cup. I washed my hands and took the cup out to Kathleen.
“Okay, Daphne, go ahead back into the exam room, and I’ll be with you when I have your results.”
I nodded, numb all over.
Back in the exam room, I sat down in a chair.
Another waiting game.
And this one was slower than the minute I spent in Dirk’s room without my shirt on.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Nothing to worry about.
Brad used a condom.
Condoms were effective most of the time.
Most of the time…
Most.
Not all.
Not all.
Ten minutes passed. Twenty. Thirty.
Then Kathleen’s knock on the door.
I cleared my throat. “Come in.”
She wasn’t smiling.
Chapter Fifty
Brad
“You may think there’s always a choice. You’d be wrong.” Wendy eyed my hand. “Still wearing your ring, I see.”
I looked down at my right hand.
Yeah, I was, but it had nothing to do with any fucked-up loyalty to Wendy or the Future Lawmakers. I couldn’t get the damned thing off. I’d put on a lot of muscle and broadened since I was in high school, which evidently extended to my fingers.
I’d paid for these stupid rings that Wendy had designed. Her distorted symbol that had no meaning as far as I could tell.
“I won’t be wearing it much longer.” Mental note: Go to a jeweler, have the damned thing sawed off, and sell it for junk gold.
“You’re still wearing it, though. That says more than a thousand words, Brad.”
It says only that I can’t get it off. But I didn’t tell Wendy that. Let her think she still had some kind of bizarre hold on me. I could use that to my advantage.
“No more deals. Figure out how to finance your future some other way, Wendy. You’re cut off as of now.”
She smiled. “You’ll never cut me off, Brad. You and I both know that.”
I chuckled. “You’re wrong. The bank is closed.”
She sauntered forward and trailed her index finger over my lower lip. “Close the bank if you want to. We no longer need your money. But that’s not what I’m talking about when I say you’ll never cut me off.”
“Yeah? What are you talking about, then?” Though I already knew.
“You and I, Brad. We’re connected. We’ll always be connected. Someday, we’ll have that baby that was stolen from us in high school.”