Patty, on the other hand, had slept with two different guys in the three weeks since we’d been at college. Was her sex the same as mine? How could it be, without the emotional connection?
“Earth to Daphne,” she said.
“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking.”
“About sex?” She guffawed.
I warmed more.
“You’re blushing! You were thinking about sex.”
I stood. “I’m finished. I have some time before my next class. I’ll go to the health center now and get a prescription.”
“I’d go with you, but I’m meeting my lab partner to go over notes.”
“It’s okay. I can take care of it myself.”
Though I’d have liked to have her there. Hospitals and anything like them gave me the nerves. I breathed in and out slowly as I got rid of my tray.
No biggie. This was a student health center, not a psychiatric hospital. No one would shove drugs down my throat. No one would make me sit in therapy when I didn’t feel like it. No one would force me to write in a journal and then take it away from me.
I shook my head to clear it. I couldn’t go there. Not now. That part of my life was over. Kaput. I was in college, and I’d met an amazing man. New life. New life. I repeated the words to myself over and over.
Still, my nerves were in shambles.
The building housing the student health center loomed in the distance as I walked toward it. It seemed to pulse with a heartbeat of its own.
Just your imagination, Daphne. Do this. Do this for yourself and for Brad.
I grabbed my courage, opened the door to the building, and approached the reception desk.
“May I help you?”
“Hi. I’m here to… I’d like to get some oral contraceptives, please.”
“Sure. No problem. You’re lucky we’re pretty slow today. The nurse practitioner can see you without an appointment. Have a seat, and I’ll tell her you’re here.”
An appointment? Yeah, that made sense. Why hadn’t I thought to call in advance?
“Thanks.” I sat down in the waiting area.
No one else was waiting. No eyes to feel on me.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
I had plenty of time before my class, but I was hyperaware of the seconds ticking by. This was worse than timing my shirtless experience in Dirk’s room.
I picked up a magazine from the table next to my chair. Seventeen. I was no longer seventeen. I was eighteen. An adult. Did this magazine even apply to me anymore? Why was it here, on a college campus? I perused the articles.
“The Ten Best Acne-Fighting Masks.”
I was lucky. I didn’t have acne. Not interested.
“How to Give a Hickey.”
Seriously?
“How to Tell if He’s Right for You.”
That one got my attention. I flipped through the pages to find the article.
“Daphne?” A tall woman in a white coat stood by the reception desk.
“Yeah. That’s me.”
“Come on back.”
She led me to an exam room and closed the door. “I’m Kathleen, the nurse practitioner here.” She glanced at a chart. “You’re here for oral contraceptives?”
“Yes, please.”
“How long have you been sexually active?”
“Not long. I only did it once a couple weeks ago.”
“And what method of birth control did you use?”
“A condom. I mean…he used a condom.”
“Good. Good. When was your last pelvic exam?”
Pelvic exam? “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“No one has examined your pelvic organs manually?”
“No.”
“That’s okay. A lot of women don’t have one until they’re eighteen. I’ll need to do an exam before I can give you the contraceptives. Just to make sure there aren’t any problems. Not that I expect any.”
“Okay.”
“Do you have any questions?”
“Not that I can think of.”
“The exam is invasive. I’ll insert a speculum into your vagina to take a look at your cervix. I’ll do a pap smear too, since you’ve never had one. Then I’ll insert my fingers into your vagina to feel your uterus and ovaries.”
“Okay.” It sounded intrusive and awful, but what else could I say?
“I need you to undress from the waist down. If you’d prefer, I can leave you a gown and I can do a breast exam as well, though at your age it’s not really necessary.”
“Just the pelvic, please,” I said. Being groped below the waist was enough for today, thanks.
“Perfect. I’ll just take your blood pressure first.” She placed the cuff on my upper arm and inflated it. “Good. One twenty over seventy.” She handed me a paper blanket. “Go ahead and undress from the waist down. Cover yourself with this and sit on the exam table. I’ll knock in a few minutes.”
“Thank you.”
She left, and I quickly undressed from the waist down, covered myself, and waited.
At least no one was staring at me.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Brad
I had a bad case of senioritis. Classes were interesting enough, but I didn’t have any desire to study. Daphne invaded my mind constantly, and when I thought about her, I had to think about other things.