“He wasn’t any kind of pacifist or anything. He owned guns himself. It’s just another of the many things about my own father I’ll never understand.”
“I get that. At least your father didn’t…”
“Yeah. He wasn’t perfect, but I’ll let you win the shitty father award, though you may have to share it with Ruby.”
“Mathias was a shitty father to Ruby. That’s the thing, man. My father was good to me. That’s what I’m having a hard time with. It’s hard to reconcile, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. My father wasn’t who I thought he was either. And before you say it, yes, I know your situation is different. Worse. A lot worse.”
“I’m done saying that,” I said. “I just wish I didn’t feel so guilty about the good memories. I feel like I should erase him from my mind, from my life.”
“Have you talked to anyone yet?”
“You mean therapy? No.”
“I know a good one. She knows everything now anyway.”
“She’s your wife, Joe. Your pregnant wife.”
“She needs to keep working right now. I know her. This will get into her psyche, and she’ll work to keep herself from thinking about it.”
“You’re saying this could help both of us?”
“Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.”
I nodded. “Okay. She did wonders for Talon. She’s obviously the best.”
“That she is.”
“What was in your file, anyway?” I asked.
“A lot of nothing. Mostly invoices for farming equipment.”
“What would my father be doing with farm equipment?”
Joe chuckled. “You’re right. I work a ranch, so I didn’t think anything of it. But fuck it all. You’re right.”
“What kind of equipment?” I asked.
“Let’s take a look.” We walked back inside.
Again, that eerie feeling that invisible eyes watched me crackled along my skin like tiny gnats.
We walked to the office anyway, and Joe opened the file. “This is for a mini Bobcat.”
“What?”
“You know. You can rent them. It’s a little excavator. Like a mini bulldozer.”
“Why would my— Shit. You don’t think he buried Justin himself, do you?”
“I wouldn’t put it past him. What did he tell us? He was taking the body to the police, right? He could have just hidden it and come back and disposed of it later.”
“Oh my God. The floorboards. I was afraid when we started pulling them up that I’d find…”
“But you didn’t.”
“No, thank God. But he could be there. Somewhere.”