“You can’t escape by fucking,” I said. “God knows I’ve tried, as you know.”
“True. But what’s wrong with wanting to feel good, if only for a little while?”
I smiled. “Absolutely nothing.” I took her glass from her and set it on the table. I looked at her. She looked exhausted, her hair falling out of her high ponytail, her eyes heavy lidded. She wore her regular work uniform of Dockers and a button-down. We still had to work on her wardrobe…
But right now, I wanted only to offer her comfort. And, to be honest, I wanted some comfort in return.
The talk with my mother had left me strangled. I’d been angry at her, calling her a vicious bitch. It was no less than she deserved. Was my father truly being held captive somewhere? I knew better than to take anything my mother said at face value. I’d left angry, saying I wouldn’t be back.
But that was a lie.
I’d be back. I’d go back until this whole thing was solved.
My fucking mother…
She’d given me that bracelet. The sapphire bracelet that my father had supposedly given her. I’d been carrying it around in my pocket since. I wasn’t sure why. It certainly wasn’t to feel closer to Wendy. I couldn’t stand the woman who’d given me life. I’d thought it tainted.
But no, it wasn’t tainted. It had belonged to my grandmother.
As I looked at Ruby, her eyes a perfect match to the sapphires set in silvery white, I suddenly knew the perfect thing to do with it.
I’d give it to Ruby. It would be beautiful against her milky skin.
Oddly, it hadn’t crossed my mind to give it to Ruby at the time, but now, looking at her, so forlorn and empty, I wanted her to have it. The piece had been made for her. It would never have shined upon Wendy—or even my grandmother, according to the photos I’d seen—the way it would illuminate Ruby.
I pulled it out of my pocket, the weight of it heavy in my palm. “I have something for you.” I held it out to her.
“What is this?”
“It’s a bracelet. It’s made for you. I didn’t know it until just now, but that is why I have it. To give it to you.”
“You didn’t buy it?”
I couldn’t lie to her. Would she take it if she knew the truth?
“My mother gave it to me. She said it belonged to my grandmother, and that my father gave it to her when I was born.” I let out a small huff, shaking my head. “I have no idea if that’s the truth or not. Who fucking knows? All I know is I’ve kept it with me, wondering what the hell I’d do with it, and when I looked at you just now, I knew.”
She fingered the bracelet. “It is beautiful.”
“It was made for my grandmother, and it was made for you.”
“Was it?” She bit her lower lip. “I don’t think I can accept it.” She held it back to me.
Suddenly, it became more important than anything for her to accept and wear this bracelet—as if it would give me something good to take out of the relationship with the woman who was my mother.
“Please. I want you to have it. Honestly. I had no idea why it fell in my lap, but now I do. Here.” I took it from her and clasped it around her right wrist. “It fits perfectly. It truly was made for you. Look at the color against your skin. And it matches your eyes.”
“It’s not really me.” She scoffed. “Look at me. I can’t pull something like this off.”
“You can.” I fingered the jewels around her wrist. “You’re beautiful. So much more beautiful than any trinket could ever be.”
She shook her wrist. “This is hardly a trinket.”
“Maybe not. But it’s perfect on you. Please. Keep it. For me.”
“It’s a lovely gift, but it’s not something you bought for me, Ryan. Why is it so important to you that I keep it?”
How could I explain? “Because I’m not sure I could pick anything out that better suits you, baby. And if you keep this and wear it, then in some obscure way, I can feel like having Wendy Madigan for my mother isn’t just a curse. Maybe something good came out of it.”