I fidgeted some more. “I’ve always been attracted to men. I just never let it go anywhere. I didn’t want them to be attracted to me.”
“That makes perfect sense, considering what you went through with your father.”
I’d told Melanie weeks ago that my father had attacked me but that I’d escaped before he could rape me. “I get that. I do. But then I look at people like Talon. Gina. Colin Morse. The people who weren’t lucky enough to escape. I don’t know how Colin is dealing with things since it was so recent, but Talon and Gina didn’t swear off the opposite sex.”
“How anyone else handled a similar situation really isn’t relevant. People are individuals. We all handle things in our own way.”
That didn’t make me feel a whole lot better.
“At any rate, you seem to have come out of your shell quite a bit. You’ve lost your virginity, and you’ve fallen in love. Those are very special things.”
“I know that. And I want to be with Ryan. More than anything, actually. But there are a few things holding me back.”
“What?”
“First, my father. I haven’t been able to bring him to justice. I feel like a failure.”
“You’re not a failure, Ruby. Your father has eluded everyone. Not just you.”
“I know that. But still… I have to see him behind bars before I can do anything else.”
“Says who?”
“Says me.”
She smiled. “So before you can have a relationship, you need to make sure your father is captured.”
I chuckled. “When you say it like that, it sounds really stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. But it is irrelevant. Why would you want to punish yourself for things your father has done?”
“I don’t.”
“Sure you do. You said yourself that your father being at large is keeping you from delving into a relationship with Ryan—a relationship you say you want.”
“Yes. I want it. I just don’t want to want it.”
“Relationships with other people are what make us human, Ruby. It’s no sin to want that.”
“I know that. I just mean…I never thought I’d want it.”
“I never thought I’d be pregnant at forty. Things change.” She smiled.
“This is a little different from that.”
“I know. But things do change. People change. Maybe you’ve changed. And if you have, that’s okay.”
Was it? “This was never part of my plan for myself.”
“Plans change.”
“Yes, I know. Maybe I’m not explaining this right.”
“You’re explaining it just fine. But there’s one thing you need to truly accept.”
“What’s that?”
“You are not responsible for your father’s actions. You never were.”