“What did you dream about?”
I searched my mind to come up
with something, but I couldn’t remember what I had been dreaming about. I only knew that I had been dreaming.
“So what happened?”
Fear froze the back of my neck. How could I say this without sounding like a monster? “I… I’m afraid to tell you.”
“Everything you say to me is in confidence. You know that.”
“Yes. I know. But what I did…”
“Did you hurt her?”
I gulped, my eyes misting. “No. Or not a lot. But I could have.”
“What exactly happened?”
“I woke up with my hands around her neck.”
Dr. Carmichael didn’t look fazed at all. Well, this was her job. Maybe she had heard worse.
“I see. And what happened?”
“Jade woke me up.”
“How did she do that?”
“She scratched me. Dug her fingernails from my shoulders down to my wrists and scratched me.” The scratches had started to scab up, but I felt them then, as if they were fresh. Like tiny daggers piercing my skin.
“Did she try waking you any other way?”
“I don’t know. She probably couldn’t scream at me because my hands were around her throat.”
Dr. Carmichael nodded. “Did Jade suffer any damage from what you did?”
“Her voice was slightly hoarse. But she said she was all right.” I shook my head. “And here’s the damnedest thing.”
“What?”
“She didn’t blame me. She wanted to help me. She said she knew I would never hurt her. I mean…she woke up to find me with my fingers around her neck, and then she says she knows I would never hurt her. What kind of person would say that?”
“A person who trusts you.”
I shook my head. “I don’t deserve her trust.”
“Well, Talon, you don’t really get a say in the matter. Her trust is hers and hers alone to give. It sounds like she’s chosen to give it to you.”
“I’m the last person in the world who deserves anyone’s trust.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m…” Broken. I couldn’t force the word from my lips. Using that word would open up a bunch of questions about things I wasn’t ready to talk about yet.
But here I was, sitting in a shrink’s office. I was thirty-five years old, and I was in love for the first time in my life.
Maybe it was time to talk about it.