“Of course not Marjorie. She’s my sister. I love her.”
“Then—oh my God.” Jonah raked his fingers through his dark hair that was beginning to gray at the temples. “It’s that friend of hers, isn’t it?”
I looked down at my feet. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I knew there’d come a day. She’s trying to knock down your walls, isn’t she, Tal?”
“No. At least…I don’t think so. I mean, she’s not trying to.”
“Getting under your skin, is she?”
I sat down in the chair across from Jonah’s desk. I didn’t say anything. There was nothing left to say. I was an open book to my older brother. I had been since I’d come back.
“Are you ready to get some help, Tal?”
Help. Poor Joe didn’t know this, but no help existed for me. I was a product of so many different hells, an
d no one could help me. I had to live alone. Nothing else would work for me. “We’ve had this conversation before,” I said. “You couldn’t help me. Dad couldn’t help me. There’s no way some stranger can.”
“There are strangers who have the right training to help someone like you. In fact— Oh, fuck, never mind. If you want to build a house, build a fucking house. Maybe Marj will want the ranch house. Maybe she’ll never marry, or maybe she’ll marry some poor pauper who wants to live big in the main house. Who knows?”
I unrolled the land plats I had brought with me. “I’m looking at this place.” I pointed to the beautiful area I had chosen to build my home on. “It’s right on the lake, and you don’t currently use it for grazing land.”
Joe grabbed the plat and took a look. “I don’t see why you can’t have it. But you know it’s open grazing out here, so the animals could make their way to you.”
“I have no problem with that.” I liked animals. They understood me. They didn’t press. They didn’t judge. They didn’t ask questions I couldn’t answer. That silly mutt Roger had come around about a year ago, begging for food. I’d fed him, and I’d made a friend for life. The little guy doted on me, followed me everywhere, and I loved it. I loved him, as much as I was capable. Animals were easy to love. All Roger asked was a meal every day, a warm bed at my feet, and a scratch behind the ear now and then, and he gave me his loyalty unconditionally.
“It’s pretty far removed from the rest of us.”
“And?”
Jonah shook his head. “And nothing. I guess that’s how you want it, Tal. One more wall you can lock around yourself.”
“When you’ve walked a mile in my shoes, brother, you can judge me.” I stood.
Jonah stood as well. “Talon, I would have gladly walked in your shoes to spare you the pain.”
“You can’t say that. You don’t know…”
“You’re right. I don’t know. I don’t pretend to know everything you’ve been through. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have done anything to protect you. You’re my younger brother.” He let out a heavy sigh. “It should’ve been me.”
“We’ve been through this time and time again. There was nothing you could have done.”
“I should’ve been there to protect you. You were there to protect Ryan, and I should’ve been there for you.”
“And what would that have accomplished? You would’ve gone through the hell instead of me? Or maybe we both would have? Is that truly what you wanted?”
“Of course not. What I would’ve wanted was for neither of us to go through it. But if it had to be one of us, I would’ve preferred it to be me.”
My skin prickled. The thought of either of my brothers enduring what I had nauseated me. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, Joe. Look at me. I’m alive. What more can I want?”
“You’re not alive, man. You’re a goddamned corpse walking around—no feelings, all those walls. That’s not living, bro.”
“I’m doing the best I can. This is all the living I know right now.”
“Talon, that’s a fucking lie and you know it. You know what? I changed my mind. I do need that little plot of land for pasturing. I don’t want you building a house there, or anywhere, for that matter. If Jade is getting inside your skin, I’m all for it. You won’t let any of the rest of us in. If she can get in, maybe she can help you.”
“Fuck you,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m going to go start the process for the permit. That land belongs to me too, damn it.”