Before he has a chance to jump down my throat, I admit, “Because that’s exactly the way I feel about Elle. I love her. Do you get that? I love her.” It’s as if my insides are being ripped apart as I force out the rest. “You and I have been friends for a long time, and we’ve been through a lot of shit together. If there’s one person who knows me—really knows me—it’s you. If you don’t believe I’m the best thing for your sister, I’ll stay away. But don’t think for one damn minute it’ll change the way I feel about her. And don’t fucking fool yourself into believing that she’ll ever find someone who loves her the way I do.”
Thick tension crackles in the air between us. If there’s a tiny kernel of hope inside me that what I’ve admitted will ultimately sway him, it’s snuffed out when he remains stoically silent.
With nothing more to say, I knock into his shoulder and stalk out of the kitchen. Not only have I lost Elle, but our friendship, too. No matter what happens in the future, nothing will ever be the same between any of us again.
Chapter Forty-Two
Elle
With a quick rap of my knuckles, I push open the door to the office and poke my head inside the tiny room. “Hi, Dr. Holloway.”
He glances up from his computer monitor and waves me in. “Hey, Elle.” His tone turns chastising. “I’ve already told you that when we’re not in class or with other students, you should feel free to call me Gabe.”
“Sorry, guess I forgot.” That’s a lie. It feels weird to call him by his first name. I know there are other professors who drop the formality with their students, but I’ve never been comfortable with it.
When he stares patiently with raised brows, I force myself to tack on, “Gabe.”
He beams before rising to his feet and moving around the metal desk that takes up most of the space. “The filing cabinet is right here.” He pats the tall metal container. “And all of the paperwork is in these two boxes.”
I nod, silently assessing the situation.
“My guess is that it’ll take a couple of hours, and like I said, it doesn’t have to be completed in one sitting. Feel free to spread it out. In all honesty, I’ll probably have more work that needs to be filed. Our secretary is great, but she doesn’t always get copies and handouts back in time. So, if this is a situation that works for both of us, we could consider making it permanent.” There’s a pause. “Is that something you might be interested in?”
My schedule is jampacked, but I need all the extra credit I can scrounge. So, I’ll have to shift things around and make it work. I should be thrilled that Dr. Holloway is being so generous.
“It’ll depend on how often you need help.”
“Sure. That’s totally understandable. Let’s see how it goes and then you can decide.” He points to my jacket. “You might want to take that off. The heat is constantly running, and it gets awfully warm in here.”
I unwind the bright turquoise scarf from around my neck before unbuttoning my denim jacket and shrugging out of it. When he holds out his palm, I hand over both. He hangs them alongside his on the metal coat rack shoved in the corner. “All right, why don’t you come over here. I’ll show you the system I’ve been using, and you can get straight to work.”
With a nod, I shimmy past him. The space is tight and with both of us standing near the cabinet, there’s not much room to maneuver. He pulls out the top drawer and I step closer, taking a peek inside to get a better look. The last thing I want to do is mess up whatever system he’s using.
I don’t realize that he’s standing directly behind me until he reaches around my body to pick up a folder. I freeze like a deer caught in the bright glare of headlights. My muscles stiffen as his warm breath drifts over the outer shell of my ear.
“All of the papers in the box should be appropriately marked, making it easy to discern which folder they belong in.”
As he continues to rattle off information, I try to shift my body so we’re not standing in such close proximity. Dr. Holloway has never done anything to make me feel uncomfortable or uneasy, but at this particular moment, there’s that strange prickling sensation coursing through me.
And it’s stupid.
I’m being stupid.
Why am I being such a baby about this? He’s not doing anything wrong. He’s simply explaining what he wants me to do. The office is small and there’s not a lot of space to maneuver. As soon as he’s done talking, he’ll go back to his desk, and I’ll feel like an idiot for jumping to the wrong conclusion.