“This is all part of what you talked about earlier.”
“Yes, and it’s the easiest part, easing you into the more demanding things I will expect. I will demand all kinds of sex with you, and yes, bondage and pain will be included, but we’ll work up to that. I can teach you to like the things I need, baby.” He turned his head back to her belly, pressing kisses into her soft flesh. His teeth scraped and then nipped, his tongue easing the ache. “Like that, baby. You liked that.”
“You aren’t talking about that, Savage.”
“No, but no one runs before they walk. I’ll make you love most of what I do to you.”
“Most of what you do?”
He nodded. He had to be honest, no matter what. She had to come into the relationship knowing what she was getting. “I told you straight up, I wasn’t satisfied with what I’d done to that woman. I’ll teach you to like most of what we do, but there will be times when that shit gets very real, Seychelle, when I need to put stripes on your body. It will hurt. I can turn pain into pleasure, and I can take care of you after, but you will suffer for me. You have to know that going into this.” His hand moved on her leg. On the scars there.
She was silent for a long time while his heart pounded and his mind screamed at him that he was a monster no one could ever accept or love.
“What if I can’t take it, Savage? What if the pain is too much?”
“Then you call a stop. You say red.”
“And you stop?”
“I would hope you would know when we get to that point that I would never initiate that kind of sex unless I was desperate. At the same time, I would know you would never say red unless you truly couldn’t take any more. That’s what trust is. That’s what we would need to have between us, so yes, I would stop instantly.”
He studied her face for a long moment. “Seychelle, we would need to be a partnership. I can never be out of control. When I’m at my worst, at that point, you need to be in total control, and it won’t be easy for you. I don’t want to ever break your skin. That’s going too far. If I were to do that, you’d have to stop us. There can’t ever be permanent marks on you. Not ever. I don’t do that shit to you. Everything between us is consensual at all times. You agree, I agree. That’s the way it has to be.”
“How do you know you won’t cross the line, Savage, outside of sex? What if you’re so angry with me you beat me? That could happen.”
“You’re not understanding me, baby. I swear on my life, I could never beat you in anger. I’m not that man. When I start getting bad, and it’s a cycle I can’t prevent, and I know I’m going to need certain things during sex, I fight it. I go to the club in San Francisco and beat the hell out of anyone challenging me to a fight. That sometimes helps. You help me already. I feel peace when I’m with you. It’s the only time.”
“How do you know I’ll be enough for you when those other women weren’t?”
“Someone I don’t give a shit about can help a little, but you . . . you’re different, Seychelle. When I’m with you, it’s like you have the potential of taking it all away for a very long time. You can’t know what a rare gift you give to me.”
That was such bullshit. She was so much more than that to him. She had found her way inside of him. They’d been together now for months. They had the R word. Relationship. He wanted to laugh when he thought about it. That was so not him, but he knew he wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of his life with her lying next to him. He wanted to go to bed with her in his arms. Yeah, she gave him peace, but this thing between them was so much more than he was conveying to her.
“How do you know I can do that for you?”
He pressed a kiss to her belly. “I know. I know you’re mine. That for the first time in my life I want a woman to belong to me. I want to see my marks on her skin. I want to see her tears for me on her face and know she’s willing to give them to me. I know you can do that for me. My body responds to you by itself without me ordering it to respond, just at the thought of my marks on you. I have to order my cock to work any other time.” That was all true. He needed to use his whips on her. He never thought he’d be able to have someone who would love him enough to take on his pain the way he took on the pain for those he loved. He hadn’t believed there was a woman alive who would think he was worth it.