Yeah, she didn’t get to hold back anymore. Feeling like a nervous teenager, he strode across the cool tile until he stepped down into the enclosure of their oversized shower. When he’d bought the place he’d had some immediate changes made, including expanding the shower. At almost six and a half feet tall, he liked his damn space.
Ellie’s back was to him, her long blond hair plastered to her back as she stood under the pulsing jet of the shower. But she was completely aware of him. He could see it in the way her back stiffened as he stepped inside. His cock hardened instantly at the sight of her toned, fit body. Compact, curvy and all his. Hell yeah, she was still his. Something he planned to make sure she understood. He didn’t care if he had to show her over and over. She was going to understand how important she was to him. What he’d do for her. That they belonged together.
“Did you talk to Wyatt?” she asked. She didn’t turn around as he drank in the sight of her smooth back and over the tempting curves of her ass. Water dotted all along her tight body, making him even harder.
“Yeah. He’s aware of the situation.” But he didn’t want to discuss the details of that conversation now. “Why did you say your sister’s death was your fault?” he asked as he settled his hands on her slender hips.
Her entire body pulled taut and she tried to shift away from him, but he held firm. She wasn’t getting away from him this time. Pulling her back to him, he savored the little gasp of surprise she made at the feel of his cock against her ass and lower back. Leaning down, he nipped at her ear as water rushed over him. “Why are you surprised by my reaction?”
Even above the sound of the water he could hear her swallow hard. “I’m not. It’s just biology,” she said in a rush.
Bullshit it was. “So you think the sight of any naked woman would make me hard?” He teased her earlobe with his teeth, knowing his calmness would get her riled up.
“They better not,” she snapped, then seemed to remember herself. “Jay, what are you doing?”
He rolled his hips against her. “You really need me to explain?” he asked as he slipped one hand from her hip over her flat belly, then lower, lower until he cupped her mound.
“This…don’t you…aren’t you angry at me?” Her voice shook, getting worse when he gently rubbed his middle finger over her clit.
“I’m furious, baby. But that doesn’t change what’s between us.” And he planned to strengthen their bond in every possible way he could.
“But…” She sucked in a breath when he increased the pressure of his finger ever so slightly. “Don’t you want me gone? Or is this about a last…time? Angry sex?” She whispered the last couple words, her voice wobbling.
Which only pissed him off more. He stopped stroking but held her tight. “You think I’d do that?” He couldn’t keep the anger from his voice now even if he’d wanted to.
“No! I just don’t understand why you still want me after the way I ran and now that you know all about my past. I used stolen money to pay for school, my ex was a criminal and I…I did so many stupid things that you shouldn’t want me.” Her head dropped, almost as if she was ashamed again.
Everyone did stupid things, especially when they were young. He would never judge her for her past—he was in love with who she was now and he wanted the whole package. Not some sanitized version of herself she seemed to think he needed. “What happened with your sister?”
She was silent so long he figured he’d pushed too hard too fast, had miscalculated by asking now. When she spoke though, her voice was harsh and bitter. “In high school I was a bit of a geek. Not un-liked or unpopular, but back then I was shy and hadn’t quite grown into myself and much preferred studying to going out on weekends. When I was sixteen a couple girls from my study group convinced me to go to a party one Saturday. It was fun enough and I had a good time, but I drank more than I realized. I was even smaller then so you can imagine my tolerance.”
She shrugged, her laugh sounding hollow and packed full of years of anger. “I was terrified of how my dad would react—which considering he was an alcoholic, I can now appreciate the irony—so I called my sister. She was four years older than me and had moved out right at eighteen. Anne Marie was so beautiful. Tall, willowy, looked just like our mom. And she could dance. Could have gone to any professional school in the world, but she loved Vegas. Absolutely loved it here.”
The pain intermixed with love in her voice was so real it punched right through Jay. He’d never heard Ellie talk so openly about her family. “At twenty she was already headlining one of the biggest shows on the strip. She had her whole life ahead of her…” Ellie trailed off and Jay tightened his hold, wrapping his arms around her waist. She melted against him, trembling.
“You don’t have to continue.” He buried his face against the back of her head, inhaling the subtle vanilla scent of her recently shampooed hair.
She took a shuddering breath. “Yes, I do. I’m sure you can fill in the rest anyway. She died in an accident on the way to pick me up. It wasn’t a drunk driver either. Just an accident. There was no one to blame but me. If I hadn’t been drinking and stuck for a ride, she wouldn’t have died.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” He knew his words would fall on deaf ears, but had to say them anyway. He couldn’t believe she’d lived with that kind of guilt for so long.
She snorted. “Yeah well, my father certainly thought so. He split a week after her funeral and made sure I knew it was because of what I’d done. I ripped the family apart, he said. I was killing our mother. I’d killed Anne Marie. I should have been the one who died,” she whispered the last part.
“Damn it.” Jay turned Ellie around, pulling her out of the spray of water and stepping under it so he’d block her from the steady onslaught. “Look at me.”
She did, but her hands were still at her sides, as if she was afraid to touch him. The fear he saw in her gaze was too much. Fear that he’d reject her. It made his chest ache. “You were sixteen doing things stupid sixteen-year-olds do. And it wasn’t even that stupid. You drank too much—probably for the first time ever—and were smart enough to call someone to get you. Her death was tragic, but you’re not to blame. And your father putting all that on you? Screw him. He left his family after a terrible tragedy. That makes him a gutless bastard.” Jay couldn’t fathom blaming a kid, his own ki
d at that, after something so tragic.
Ellie placed tentative hands on his chest, but it wasn’t the possessive hold he craved. It was almost as if she wanted to push him away. Instead she slightly dug her fingers into his flesh and relief slid through him that she chose to tighten her grip. “You’re saying things I know on an intellectual level but it doesn’t change the fact that my sister’s dead and it was my fault. Not long after her death I started dating Kevin and…” Closing her eyes, she laid her cheek against his chest.
He definitely didn’t need to hear the rest of that. Not yet. He figured she’d likely been eaten up by guilt and had taken the scraps of some asshole who she felt like she deserved. That alone killed him, but he understood. His own younger brother had gone through a dark phase when he’d been forced to retire from the Teams because of an injury.
Jay wrapped his arms around Ellie’s body and ran a hand down her back, not stopping until he gripped her ass in a tight, possessive hold. The action took her by surprise and her head jerked back. Even as he was careful not to jostle her because of her ribs, he didn’t loosen his grip.
Slowly, giving her plenty of time to stop him, he leaned down. Her dark eyes widened, but it was impossible to miss the unmistakable flare of need in her gaze. Even if it was intermixed with surprise.
He never wanted to see that expression on her face in reaction to him wanting her. She might be preparing for the worst no matter what he said, for him to leave or kick her out after this, but it wasn’t happening.
Stroking his tongue against hers, he shuddered as she melted into him, into the kiss, completely giving herself to him. Ellie was always like that. All he had to do was kiss or touch her right and she molded around him like he was the only thing that mattered. As if she couldn’t get enough of him.