‘I’ve got a sofa-bed downstairs, I’ll sleep there.’ He grinned at her. ‘Save me going up and down the stairs for a few days.’
‘You can’t camp out in your own house, Jon. It’s much more comfortable at my place...’
* * *
The discussion rumbled on for the duration of the drive to her house. But Chloe had the last word because she was the one driving, and Jon couldn’t do anything about where she chose to take him. It was an unfair advantage but Chloe would take whatever she could get.
She helped him out of the car and he carefully negotiated the front path and the step over the threshold and into the house. It seemed that he’d at least reconciled himself to a meal, if not a bed for the night, but she could work on that.
Leading him into the sitting room, she fetched a footstool and a cushion so he could prop his leg up.
‘Would you like some tea? Or coffee?’ She was trembling suddenly. Being alone with him was different from the bustle of the hospital, where caring was the normal course of action and not a choice.
‘Let me—’
‘No, you’ve only just sat down. Don’t be silly.’ Chloe was feeling more and more nervous. This wouldn’t do.
His eyes softened, as if he saw her anguish, and she felt herself redden. This was no time to be thinking about the emotional, she had to think about the practical.
‘Chloe, I’ve got to be able to do things for myself. Let me try, please.’
She felt her legs begin to shake. Before she could stop it, a tear ran down her cheek. ‘No. No, you can’t, Jon. I won’t let you.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because...’ Just because. That was the best answer she could think of, but the worst one was the one that spilled out before she could stop it. ‘Because I know you’re trying to be independent and look after yourself, and that’s a good thing. But I know how much that hurts, too. I know you were afraid when you were alone up there in the loft with a broken leg because I was afraid when I was alone here, all the times I fell over and couldn’t get up.’
‘Yeah. I was afraid.’
‘So why won’t you let me look after you a bit? Just stay here for a few days, until you’re a bit stronger.’
A shadow passed across his face. She’d blown it all, but suddenly Chloe didn’t care. Doing nothing wasn’t an option, not any more.
‘It’s too soon...’
It was always going to be too soon for Jon. There was never going to be a right time. But she could bear that now. She could bear him walking away from her, but what she couldn’t live with was never having tried.
‘I don’t care. It doesn’t matter if you’re never going to want me the way I want you, and I don’t expect anything from you. I just want to be there for you.’
‘Chloe...’ He struggled to his feet. He was going to go now, she knew it. Even though she’d steeled herself to it, the idea seemed to suck all of the air from the room, and she couldn’t breathe.
All the same, she went to help him. If he wouldn’t stay here, it would be just as well if he didn’t break the other leg.
‘Chloe.’ She’d given him his crutch and he’d got his balance now, but he still didn’t let go of her shoulder. ‘I meant that I’m not well enough to try to win you back. Not yet. But I will...’
He pulled her against him, holding her tight. She could hear his heart beating. Or was it hers?
‘What do you mean, you’re not well enough? You think I want you to run up and down the stairs ten times?’
‘Just the once would be good...’ Suddenly everything had changed, and
Chloe gave him a playful dig in the ribs. Jon winced, smiling.
‘Sorry... Bruises?’
‘It doesn’t matter. This isn’t how I wanted it to be, I wanted to give you flowers and be able to get down on my knees and beg...’
‘You know you don’t have to do that. I love you. More than I’m afraid of losing you.’