‘Sure. I’ve got to get some things for the new mother and toddler exercise group. It’s Sam’s project, but she’s pretty busy right now so I said I’d take over for a while.’
‘Sounds good. I’ve heard these groups are very beneficial.’
‘You want to help out?’ Ross reckoned that he knew the answer to that already.
‘No. It’s not really my thing.’ She smiled sweetly at him. ‘I can help you shop, though.’
‘I’ll be leaving after lunch. Two o’ clock?’
Laurie nodded, getting out of her seat. Ross couldn’t help noting that she managed it without a grimace. ‘Sounds good. I’ll meet you at the house at two.’
* * *
She was there, leaning against his car, waiting for him, when Ross walked across from the clinic at five to two. Laurie seemed more relaxed in his company than ever, talking and laughing as he drove into town. Last night really had changed things.
‘I just need to pop into my bank and sort a few things out. Then we can tackle Sam’s list.’ She took it for granted that they wouldn’t split up and go their separate ways when they reached the large shopping precinct.
‘Okay.’ Ross sat down on the edge of a high brick planter. ‘I’ll wait here.’
She reappeared from the bank ten minutes later, and Ross led the way to the large mother and baby store. ‘We should be able to get everything here.’ He handed Laurie the list and she studied it carefully.
‘Nappies? What are you doing, having them to stay overnight?’
Ross chuckled. ‘No, Sam says that it’s a good idea to have some supplies, in case of any emergencies.’
‘Right. Well it looks as if she’s expecting a few...’ Laurie pulled a trolley from the stack by the doorway. ‘We might be needing two of these.’
They walked along the aisles, stopping every now and then to examine the toys on offer for Sam’s toy box. Ross added a teddy bear to his trolley, which Laurie had picked up, and then a stuffed penguin.
‘Oh, look!’ She caught his arm. ‘A baby gym. What do you reckon? We could phone Sam and ask...’
Ross walked over to the stack of boxes, running his fingers over the display model. ‘It’s well made, and it seems pretty sturdy.’
‘But will they like it?’
‘What, the mothers? Or the babies? Or Sam...?’
Laurie shrugged. ‘I don’t know. All of them. Perhaps we could ask someone.’
‘Or we could make up our own minds.’ That didn’t seem so difficult. Ross came in here all the time to buy things for various godchildren and he always made his own decisions.
‘Okay. You do that, because I’m not sure. I’ll go and get some of the baby supplies, shall I?’ Ross nodded, and handed her the list.
As he watched her walk away this seemed so different from all the other times he’d been in here, though. Laurie made all the difference. She was the woman he couldn’t have, and here they were, buying supplies for babies that he couldn’t have either. He stared at the baby gym. Suddenly it seemed to be mocking him.
He should pull himself together. But the pain was still as fresh as it had ever been. The moment he’d been told that he couldn’t father a child. The times that Alice had thrown that into his face in anger, as if he could make any difference to the loss of all their hopes. The moment she’d walked out, saying that she was going to visit her parents, but taking six suitcases with her. He hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye properly, or to express his regret over what they’d both lost.
Laurie had stopped by the stacked shelves at the other end of the aisle, and was loading things into her trolley, consulting Sam’s list as she did so. She was alone too, and maybe she could settle for a relationship that could never include any more than two people...
Maybe not. Laurie had made it clear that families weren’t her thing, but people changed. It was a conflict that was impossible to resolve. His one great hope for Laurie was that one day she’d make peace with her own childhood and believe she could make a different kind of family. He couldn’t hold onto that, and at the same time ask her to share a future with him that couldn’t ever include a family.
He turned his attention back to the baby gym. He’d been over this in his head already, more than a thousand times. He should accept the way things were and get on with the matter at hand.
‘Hey. What do you think?’ He jumped when he heard Laurie’s voice. Goodness only knew how long he’d been standing here, staring blankly at the gym.
‘Oh. Um...not sure, still.’
‘Are you okay?’ She peered at him.