‘So, yesterday went well,’ Jannes said, sitting on the edge of her bed and putting the coffees down on the bedside table.
‘You’d have to tell me. Did I disgrace myself?’
‘You were wonderful. You always are. Everybody loved you.’
‘You’re being very nice,’ she said suspiciously, sniffing at her coffee and trying to decide whether her stomach could handle it yet.
‘Yes, well, I’m still hoping for that second date. I told my manager I’m bringing a plus one to the awards. Is that still okay?’
‘I don’t know. Probably?’ she said, leaning back on her pillows. ‘Am I still drunk?’
‘Possibly. You were far enough gone last night to agree to go to at least one more wedding and a christening this summer. I’m making you another coffee and a bacon sandwich. Then you’re having a shower.’
‘Ugh, why did I do that? Why did you let me do that? And is that a hint?’ she asked, trying to discreetly sniff herself.
‘Nope, it’s an order. You smell bad. And you agreed to those other events because you are a very good person.’
She collapsed back on the pillows, arm across her face. ‘I take it back. You’re the worst boyfriend ever.’
She let the water run over her head into her eyes, and by the time she was squeezing her hair dry with a towel she felt almost human again. Jannes was in the kitchen when she emerged, dressed in comfy cashmere pants and a sweater. She could smell bacon and coffee, and the toaster popped as she walked past it, making her jump.
‘Tell me more about this awards thing,’ she said, taking the coffee he held out to her.
‘I’m presenting one of the awards,’ Jannes said. ‘All you need to do is show up, hold my hand. If anyone asks maybe tell them I’m the best boyfriend you’ve ever—’
‘Worst boyfriend.’
‘Best boyfriend you’ve ever had. I’m getting it embroidered on a pillow. Just stand with me for a few photos, look madly in love with me. Post them on your social media feeds so people get the general idea of how wonderful and dependable and not flaky I am.’
‘And that’s it,’ she clarified. ‘Just the awards ceremony and then we’re done?’
‘If you want it to be,’ Jannes said, but a couple of fine lines appeared between his eyebrows. His thinking face. ‘Or, if it goes well,’ he went on, ‘perhaps we carry on playing rent-a-date for each other. Like, at the other family events you agreed to yesterday? I can come to those, if you’d like, when I’m home. And you can come to work things with me. We have fun—you know I love hanging out with you. And, not to be too mercenary about it, but the longer this goes on, the better I look.’
It was her turn to frown, and she rubbed at her forehead, where the throbbing headache she’d woken up with was starting to ease. ‘What happens when we don’t want people to think we’re together any more?’
‘Then we gracefully part ways and decide that we were better off as friends. Behind close
d doors, nothing has changed.’
Lara nodded, finishing one cup of coffee and pouring herself another. ‘And are you sure...’ How should she put this? ‘... I’m not going to be stepping on anyone’s toes if we do this? I don’t want to find myself as the other woman,’ Lara said.
Jannes crossed his arms. ‘Are you asking me if I’m seeing someone?’
‘Seeing anyone, sleeping with anyone.’ Lara waved a vague hand. ‘Sending suggestive messages on dating apps to anyone. I mean, you can do what you want, but even if we’re just pretending, I don’t want it to ever look like we’re cheating. At—’
‘I’m not seeing anyone,’ Jannes said, his expression hard. ‘And I won’t, as long as we’re keeping this up. I wouldn’t have agreed to yesterday if I was.’
She took a deep breath and passed him a knife as he reached for the butter. ‘Okay. I knew that. I think I knew that. I just had to be sure.’
‘It’s fine.’ He didn’t look as if it was fine. And right here was the reason that she didn’t date for real. Because she’d had to ask that question, even though she knew that she could trust Jannes. Even though she knew he’d never be any less than honest, she’d still had to ask the question. Because she’d known that she could trust her father too, and look where that had got them. She’d put that hurt look on Jannes’s face, and she had no interest in doing it again. ‘I understand why you had to ask,’ he said, which didn’t change the fact that he was hurt that she couldn’t just trust him.
The ease that had been there between them when she’d woken up, when he really had been boyfriend of the year, and she’d been happy to let him, had disappeared. She’d pierced it with this reminder that she would never be able to trust, and that eventually that scar in her soul always ended up with her pushing away anyone who got too close. The closer she let Jannes get, the more she was going to hurt him eventually. She had to remember that.
‘So what happens when you meet someone?’ she asked, moving the focus of the conversation away from herself, making sure that their terms for this relationship were crystal clear. If they had everything on the table from the start, there was no way that this could become something that it shouldn’t.
‘What, before Saturday?’ Jannes crossed his arms as he looked at her, and she could see him trying to understand the change in the atmosphere. ‘If I meet someone, or you do, we’ll talk to each other and work something out. I won’t hurt you, Lara. I won’t ever hurt you.’
She nodded, took another sip of coffee. ‘I know you won’t. So how does this work? You’ll pick me up?’