‘No, I’m not suggesting... Just...’ she paused, and he couldn’t help but hold his breath ‘...if it was going to be anyone, it would be you,’ she said with a smile that managed to make her look sad.
He leaned in for a last kiss. Couldn’t resist it. ‘I wish things were different,’ he said, leaning his forehead against hers, brushing his lips against hers. She broke the kiss, turning the door handle.
‘Me too.’
CHAPTER TEN
LARA STARED AT the ceiling, wondering how long she’d been lying awake. A glance at the clock on her phone told her it was six a.m. Two hours then, since she’d woken from dreaming of Jannes and remembered how close they’d come last night to ruining their friendship. Waking frustrated and overheated, she’d wondered how bad it would really be if she padded down the corridor and knocked on Jannes’s door. And in less than a heartbeat she’d known the answer. It would be bad. Really bad, when they woke up and had to undo what they had done. So she’d tried to go back to sleep at first, and then, when she’d realised that wasn’t going to happen, she had resigned herself to staring at the ceiling.
The sky started to lighten and she watched the sunrise, the expanse of the sea revealed more and more by the minute. Waiting for a new day to dawn and hoping that the sunshine would wash away the memories of last night. They just had to get through this one quick meeting and she could get back to London, away from whatever strange influences the sea air had had on them.
She heard Jannes walk
ing past her door and was tempted to bury her head under the pillow. Maybe she should skip breakfast and just sneak back home. But they had resisted last night because they had wanted to protect one another—protect their friendship—and sneaking away at dawn wasn’t going to make that happen. Would have the opposite effect, in fact. So she pulled an oversized cardigan on over her tank top and shorts and followed Jannes down the stairs.
‘Morning,’ she said, reaching the kitchen.
Jannes started, spinning on the spot and spilling his coffee. ‘Gah,’ he said, grabbing a tea towel and throwing it to the floor to mop up his spilt drink.
‘I think the coffee’s meant to go in your mouth,’ Lara said, forcing a smile, trying to break the atmosphere.
‘I’ll work on that,’ he said with a forced smile. ‘I’ll make another. Do you want one?’
‘Of course,’ Lara said, wondering what they had to do to break this awkwardness and get back to normal. That had been the whole point of stopping last night, when it had been the last thing she had wanted. If they had ruined their friendship anyway, she wished that she’d had less self-control.
‘You going for a run?’ she asked, eyes dropping to his shorts and running vest.
‘Yeah. I thought I’d pick up breakfast on the way back. Pancakes? Waffles?’
‘You’re such a dreamboat.’
It was the sort of thing she’d been saying their whole friendship. A throwaway comment that would normally have raised a laugh and a frisson of sexual tension and which was forgotten a second later. This morning, it nearly made him drop a second cup of coffee. Whatever they had both said about not letting that kiss change things, it wasn’t going to be as easy as just saying it and that making it true. They were going to have to work at it, she realised. Their friendship wasn’t out of danger yet. It would be easy to let this awkwardness fester. To avoid one another for the next few weeks and have that turn into months and then years. They couldn’t let that happen.
‘Pancakes,’ she said decisively. ‘At least a dozen. Bacon, berries, syrup—the works. And whatever you’re having.’
‘You really know how to order. It’s one of the best things about you.’
‘Don’t you forget it. Now, go for your run. I’ll have coffee waiting when you get back.’
He hesitated at the door, and she knew that he was going to mention what had happened. But this conversation would be so much easier with coffee and pancakes in their bellies.
‘Go. We’ll talk when you get back. We’re fine.’ And she forced herself to give him a kiss on the cheek to prove it, though she wasn’t sure which of them she was trying to convince more.
While he was out, she set the table with a pot of strong black coffee, a carton of orange juice she found at the back of the fridge, and plates and cutlery.
When Jannes returned, skin shining with sweat, she kept her gaze safely somewhere above his left ear.
‘Shower!’ she said, taking the takeaway boxes from him, inhaling the scent of pancakes, bacon and maple syrup.
Jannes reappeared five minutes later, hair damp but less skin on show, and she forced a smile in his direction. ‘Good run?’ she asked, looking for a safe topic of conversation.
‘Yeah,’ Jannes replied. ‘It’s easier to think when I’m moving, you know.’
She took a deep breath. ‘So we should talk about this, huh?’
‘I’m not sure there’s much to add from last night,’ Jannes said, sitting at the table and opening the takeaway carton. ‘You know how much I care about you. And you know how I feel about relationships. It’s part of the reason this hasn’t happened before, yes? And maybe we were stupid to think that we could just ignore it. But I don’t think anything has changed to make this a good idea. I want you in my life. I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘I want that too. You know I don’t do relationships either. But I don’t agree that you would hurt me. And I’m not saying that because I want us to change our minds. I’m saying it because I’m your friend and it’s upsetting that you would think that about yourself.’