‘You’ve never been a single woman in your thirties, have you, Jannes?’ Lara said, giving him the most condescending look that she could muster. ‘I can’t be doing with everyone asking me when I’m going to find a nice young man and settle down.’
She felt a release of tension that she hadn’t known she was carrying when Jannes agreed to go with her. At a regular party, she would show up solo without giving it a second thought. But this was family, and her family was...complicated. Her half-sister was getting married, and had invited Lara to the big day. And when she said invited, she actually meant insisted, tearfully, on how much she wanted Lara to be there, and when she’d said that she wasn’t sure it was a good idea...
That was when Pip, and her mother, and Lara’s mother to boot, had suggested that maybe she needed to see someone about her issues with her
family. That perhaps they could go to therapy. Family therapy, all of them together, and maybe even ask her father to go along too. She was practically sick at the thought. She had to do a better job of holding it together around them, or she was going to be subjected to that torture. Because how could she say no to Pip or her family, when they had taken her in when her world was falling apart?
She had no choice but to go to this wedding and convince them all that she was perfectly fine. There was no way that she was going to choose to do that either sober or alone.
‘Fine, I’ll come,’ Jannes said, giving her a smile that crinkled his eyes. ‘But are you sure that the whole pretending to be your boyfriend thing is necessary? I could come just as your friend. I mean, the best man might be hot. I don’t want to cramp your style.’
‘If he is, I’ll drop you in a heartbeat, don’t worry,’ Lara said with a smile. ‘It’s just so that I don’t have to spend the whole day defending my single lifestyle. You know they’re all going to be talking behind my back anyway.’
He gave her one of those sympathetic looks that she hated. ‘Jannes. Cut it out.’
It was only because he looked suitably remorseful that she decided at the last minute not to throw the chickpea she’d been threatening him with. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘It’ll be very romantic. Kidding,’ she added, swatting him in the chest when his face went kind of grey. ‘I’m kidding. Don’t freak out.’
‘I didn’t freak out,’ Jannes said, pulling himself up a little straighter.
Lara snorted. ‘You so did. And one of these days we’re going to talk about your rampant fear of commitment. But not until I’m done with you.’
‘It’s hard to know if that’s a threat or not,’ he said, narrowing his eyes.
‘It’s absolutely a threat.’
‘Fine, we’ll deal with my commitment issues when you’re ready to talk about yours too.’
Pfft. What was the point of having a fake boyfriend instead of a real one if it didn’t get you out of talking about your commitment issues? Besides, those commitment issues had been doing them both a favour ever since they’d met. You didn’t meet a man as pretty as Jannes—and if anyone doubted a man could be pretty, she’d simply produce him as evidence—without being ever so slightly tempted to know what it would be like to get naked and sweaty with him, just the once. Besides, he was a nice boy, and she was a disaster with nice boys. She wasn’t consigning Jannes to the ‘do not drunk dial’ group in her phone over a couple of nights of fun and then a major freak-out on her part. Or his, for that matter.
It wasn’t worth losing him over an orgasm or two. However tempting he looked.
She could manage those all by herself.
No, she’d learned just not to think of him like that. It hadn’t been easy at first, what with the cheekbones and the muscles. The lithe hips and blond hair and the general wholesome Swedishness of him. But Lara was more than just her libido. And Jannes was more to her than just a pretty face.
* * *
They were just doing each other a favour, Jannes told himself sternly. There was absolutely no reason to feel hesitant about agreeing to keep Lara company at her sister’s wedding and then take her as his plus one to an awards ceremony. They had eaten dinner together plenty of times. Been out drinking. Dancing together. This wouldn’t be any different really.
And they’d both been very clear that this didn’t change anything between them. They had been friends for three years and never even set a toe over the line between friendship and something more. Because Lara was special and he was a mess, and she deserved so much more than that.
He hadn’t always felt this way about relationships. There’d been a time in his early twenties that he’d wanted it all. Someone to love. To settle down. And every time that he’d tried, the fear had started to creep in. The closer he got to someone, the darker the shadow hanging over him, waiting for the moment that they’d inevitably leave him.
He at least had the advantage of knowing what he was afraid of. He’d been left behind so many times that the scars that it had caused were etched deep into his soul. Every time he’d watched his parents drive away from his boarding school, the wound had gone a little deeper, past the point where it physically hurt to the place where it broke down who he was.
That feeling when they’d walked out of the door and he’d watched their car drive away was something he’d sworn he wasn’t going to allow to happen again. And the safest way to ensure that he didn’t have to watch anyone leave? He didn’t exactly need a degree in psychology to see the connection with a career that kept him constantly on the move. He’d taken up sailing at boarding school; it needed enough concentration that he couldn’t think about much else while he was out on the water. And schoolboy competitions had led to life as a professional competitive yachtsman.
Maybe that was where the playboy image had come from. The few attempts that he’d made at relationships had fizzled out over the months that he’d been away sailing. The people he’d been with hadn’t liked being left any more than he had, and he hadn’t liked the thought that he had been hurting someone as much as he had been hurt. So it had made sense to stop trying to make relationships work. There had been a few short-term things over the years, when he’d been in one place long enough to see someone for more than a night or two. But knowing a relationship wouldn’t last put a dampener on things, stopping them from ever really taking off.
And when it came to Lara, there was just no way that he could start something with her, knowing how it would end. Knowing that he would hurt her. Which was why it was so important that if they were going to do this thing, they were completely open with one another. There wasn’t room in this for misunderstandings. They had to trust one another.
‘There’s something we should talk about,’ he said, wondering whether she could hear his doubt in his voice. He had planned to bring this up nearer the time, but if they were going to go to Pip’s wedding next weekend, they were going to have to do this now.
‘Everyone knows that we’re friends. We’ve been photographed plenty of times before; it never stopped me dating other people. If we want people to believe that things are different now, that we’re together, then we’re going to have to look as if we’re...together.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Well, we should probably agree to some of the details before the wedding,’ Jannes said, ‘if we’re telling people that I’m your boyfriend. Get our stories straight. Agree to our ground rules.’