CHAPTER ONE
‘WHO KNEW THAT you were such a stud?’ Lara said, eyeing Jannes over the top of the magazine.
‘You know there’s not a truthful word in the whole article, don’t you?’ her best friend replied with an eye roll and a withering look. He pulled the magazine back from her and pushed her towards one of the food stalls at Broadway Market. They’d met at the corner opposite London Fields, the same as they did every weekend he was in London, catching up on everything they’d been up to in the weeks that he’d been in Harbourside, the coastal town where his yacht club was located, or away sailing. That was the price you paid for your best friend being a professional athlete, she supposed. If he was going to keep winning these round-the-world races and breaking records left, right and centre, she was going to miss him while he was doing it.
But at least she got to see his face in the papers while he was away. Even if he wasn’t very happy about it. She smirked at Jannes. ‘At least they spelt your name right.’
He groaned. ‘This isn’t funny, Lara. All the sponsors we were lining up for the next transatlantic record attempt are freaking out. If they drop me because of this, then my plans will be down the toilet.’
She gave his arm a comforting squeeze and then bought him dhal and samosas from one of the stalls at Broadway Market, and crossed back over the road to eat in the park, spreading out her jacket on the grass as a makeshift picnic blanket. It felt like months since she had had the sun on her face. The winter had been long and hard, with an epic blizzard thrown in for good measure. But this morning she had woken up to spring. Her coat cupboard was still scattered with hats and scarves, but she’d left the house in just a sweater and a light jacket for the first time since September. London was glorious like this, and the whole of Hackney seemed to have a smile on their face.
She knew that her social feeds were going to be flooded with sunshiny pictures and iced coffees and spring flowers, and could hardly wait to launch her own spring theme. She made a mental note to take some pictures in the park before they headed back to her apartment. As an influencer, half her life was lived online, and the other half was spent studying for her MBA and launching her consultancy business, to help others achieve the success that she had found in building her little online community.
She took one look at Jannes, though, and stopped grinning. ‘I’m sorry, Jannes. I don’t know why they would make stuff up like this.’
He shook his head, looking again at the magazine. ‘I went on, like, four dates this year. None of which went particularly well. And they’ve gathered every paparazzi photo that can possibly make me look like I’m with a girl and made me look like some sort of Casanova. I sneeze in a woman’s general direction and all of a sudden I’m cheating with her on my other non-existent girlfriend.’
He said that as if she wasn’t hyperaware of every date he had been on. As if she hadn’t hung off his every word and nearly killed herself feigning nonchalance every time he had mentioned another woman’s name. Really, sometimes it was exhausting loving Jannes as a friend the way she did, and him being beautiful, the way that he was. And knowing that under different circumstances—if she were someone different, someone less broken—that this could really be...something. But she was broken. And she wasn’t someone different. And if she and Jannes tried turning this friendship into anything more then she knew that she would hurt him and lose him, and she just couldn’t risk that. So she changed the subject, as she always did. Lightened the tone and tried to pretend that it didn’t hurt. You’d think after three years of this, it would be easier.
‘Or, you know,’ she said, aiming light and hoping that her voice didn’t shake. ‘You’ve got your arm around a girl wearing a bikini...’
He hit her playfully on the arm with the magazine and she figured she’d got away with it. ‘Oh, my God, I’d gone for a swim!’ he protested. ‘This is what I’m talking about. She slipped and I caught her. I probably saved her a concussion, but according to this we had a torrid three-day affair.’ His voice sounded a little strained, and he was avoiding eye contact. Was he embarrassed about the picture? she wondered. Or was he in tune with her on this, as he was on just about anything else? Did he feel them drawing together every tim
e that she did? Was he fighting as hard as she was?
‘She does look a little dazed,’ Lara observed, looking at the girl in the photo and accidentally dripping raita on her face.
Jannes shoved her with his foot. ‘You’re meant to be on my side.’
‘Of course I’m on your side,’ she told him gently. ‘Tell me what I can do to help.’
‘How are you with crisis PR?’ he asked, a note of tension in his voice that she couldn’t account for.
Lara smiled, after just a fraction of a hesitation. ‘I don’t know. I’ve never tried it, but I’ll probably be excellent. What are you thinking?’
He shifted a little uncomfortably. ‘Well, I had an idea. It was something my grandmother said, actually. The thing is, I have an awards thing in a couple of weeks, and it could be a good chance to present a new image. And I thought if you came with me, it might...change the narrative.’
‘Explain,’ Lara said, creasing her forehead as she listened to him.
‘Well, people know that we’re friends. We’ve been photographed together before. If we went together, and made it look like we were together, it would make me seem more...settled. Less...’
‘Man slutty?’
He barked a laugh—she loved that. Loved that she could take him by surprise and make him lose control for a second. ‘Well. Yes. You have this thing that makes people love you. I could do with a pinch of that.’
She frowned, thinking. ‘I don’t know, Jannes. It feels a little...weird. You’re my best friend, and nothing more, and we’ve always been very clear about that. With each other. With everyone else. I’m worried that if we start bending the truth about that, there’ll be a grey area, you know?’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘And I agree. You know how much you mean to me, and I don’t want to do anything that would risk that. But... Lara, I cannot lose this sponsorship. If I don’t attempt the speed record this year—I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it again. And I can’t think of another way to turn things around as quickly. And we know what we are, right? We know where we stand. That doesn’t change.’
She thought about what he’d said while she ate. ‘Why don’t you take your grandmother?’ she asked at last, thinking aloud, avoiding the proposal he’d put to her until she had thought about it some more. Maybe there was some other way out of this that didn’t involve her examining her feelings for him quite so closely.
‘You think I could trust Mormor near a TV camera?’ Jannes said with a laugh. ‘She’d be rampaging on my behalf. It was her idea that I ask you.’
Lara nodded. ‘That’s a good point. I love it when Mormor rampages.’
‘Which is why it always terrifies me when you two are in a room together.’
She should agree to it, of course. She shouldn’t even have to think about it. Jannes was one of her closest friends and, much as she would do just about anything to help him if he was in trouble, this was just...a little close to the bone. Because she was pretty sure that Jannes had been as determined as she had over the years to ensure that their friendship had never been in danger of being mistaken for more. And they’d never spoken about it, but she was pretty sure it was a battle that was being fought by both of them.
Jannes was a great guy. Certainly the best one that she knew. And Lara had a thing about nice guys—she didn’t date them. What was the point when they got attached and she got attached and then they both got hurt? It hadn’t taken her long into her twenties for her to realise that she was really bad at relationships. She’d freaked out the few times that things had been going well, and it had become clear that she wasn’t cut out for making things serious.
Looking back, she knew exactly what the problem was—there was something wrong with her. When her father had walked out on her—for the other family he’d kept hidden from her her whole life—something inside her had broken. She wasn’t sure what part it was, but somewhere along the line between dating and liking and loving, something was just...off. She was off. She tried to love and she couldn’t, so she pushed boys away before she could hurt them. She wouldn’t hurt Jannes. It was just unthinkable. Which was why she’d been keeping him firmly in the safe zone since the day that she had met him.
But he needed her, and she’d never been able to resist it when Jannes needed her. Eventually, she gave him her answer.
‘Fine, I’ll be your plus one,’ she said. ‘And I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend. But we don’t let this change anything between us, right? Everything stays the same. I don’t want things to be confusing—I love you and you know that, but as friends and nothing more. I don’t want anything to change.’
He nodded firmly, which gave her a little bit of confidence that this was all going to be fine, even if her gut was telling her something different. ‘I know; I understand and I feel the same. This is all just for show. It doesn’t change anything.’
‘Good.’ She let out a breath, let the tension drain from her shoulders. And then an idea struck.
‘Hey, you know it’s Pip’s wedding next weekend? Will you come with me? If we’re going to pretend to date, it’d be weird if you didn’t, right?’ If they were doing it once, what harm could it do to make it twice?
Her sister—her half-sister—had sent the invitation months ago, and she hadn’t been able to say no, not when Pip had uninvited their father so that Lara wouldn’t have to see him. She’d ignored the event in her calendar, hoping that something would come up that would mean she could get out of going. But nothing had and she’d been dreading it, but this could be perfect. She took a deep breath. ‘I can’t not go and I’m dreading it. I was going to just tough it out but... I’m wavering. So just do me a favour and hold my hand for a few hours?’ He’d just told her that he wanted her to do practically the same thing for him, so it could hardly be a big deal.
‘You know you could just find a nice boy to take you?’ Jannes said at last.
Lara rolled her eyes. ‘Ew, no thanks.’
Jannes laughed. ‘Did you say ew? Are you twelve?’
‘No, I’m thirty-one, very busy running a business where I’m expected to be available twenty-four-seven and can’t be arsed filtering through all the douchebags in London to find the one decent guy left. So you’ll have to do.’ Which were all perfectly valid reasons for her not to date. And all true. But Jannes didn’t need to know that they weren’t the whole truth. That she didn’t see the point in dating, when everything always ended in tears. And she didn’t like doing that to people, least of all someone who she actually liked.
Jannes smiled, so broadly that it almost annoyed her. ‘Ah, so you’re going to convince me with flattery.’
‘I’d ask Jess—’ great friend, but also newly married ‘—but she’s up in Yorkshire being deliciously loved-up with Rufus. For once you’re not on a boat somewhere, you just asked me for a massive favour and I promise to buy you loads of booze if you say yes.’
He caved. ‘Fine. Yes. You’re very persuasive. But I don’t get why you’re dreading it,’ he added, because he knew nothing about anything.