I was sure the only reason they weren’t giving me heat for it, was because we’d all lived through the hell of that cancer misdiagnosis. They’d even been worried back then when I disappeared that I would hurt myself. Going home pregnant was more acceptable than not going back at all.
Still, the atmosphere was so stiff, even my younger siblings noticed and behaved themselves at the table.
I escaped right after I finished eating, took my dishes to the kitchen and washed them quickly, then went to pick up Ben. He ate earlier than the rest of us did, and would only nibble a little during dinner. I was slowly weaning him off nursing to make things easier on the two of us, since I was only going to get busier with school soon, but he was still young. He was only fifteen months old, after all. I took him to my room, where I also had his crib, so I could nurse him then put him to sleep.
Ben was an easy child to take care of. He wouldn’t make any noises unless there was something wrong. The older he got, the less I had to wake up in the middle of the night to his crying because he wanted something, and that night ended up being one of the peaceful ones. Of course, he woke me up in the morning with his impressive set of lungs.
It took a while before I started to worry that something had gone wrong somewhere. For the next couple of days, I couldn’t get ahold of Jake. At first, I thought it was nothing, but I didn’t even get a text back.
Something is wrong!
My heart felt shaken, and it had only been two days with communication. I just didn’t know what it meant! He would have figured out that something was wrong, but he could just ask me instead of giving me the silent treatment, too, right?
He…wouldn’t have just up and left because he thought I was keeping something from him, right?
Crap!
Mom was right. I had known even before she told me, that I should have come out with the truth the moment he showed up in front of me, instead of pushing everything else aside in the name of fun.
But I had to ease him into it, I argued with myself. If I just came out and said it…especially after just finding out that his dad is one of the richest men in the country…
Shit. Even if I’d said something in the beginning, wouldn’t he have just thought I wanted to get something from him? And now I’d kept the secret for so long, maybe he had gone back to California.
I knew his surname now, and with how high profile his dad was, finding them shouldn’t be a problem, right? But would he still listen to me after I kept it from him?
I have to tell him! The moment he picks up my call or replies to my text… even if he’s gone, it’s not the best way, but I’ll just tell him the truth on the phone. Maybe if I used video chat?
My mind kept running around in circles. I was so out of it, I might as well not have bothered going to school, because at the end of my final class for the day, I had no idea what the lectures had been about. I didn’t even have notes, because I couldn’t pay attention long enough to take any. I’d have to ask someone to let me borrow their notes.
One more thing I need to worry about, I groaned to myself.
My mind was so preoccupied as I headed outside of campus, that I didn’t notice there was someone in front of me until I almost ran into them.
“Oh, wow, I am so sorry,” I said, only to look up and have the words freeze in my throat. “Jake? I’ve been trying to contact you, but you weren’t replying to me…”
My voice trailed off as I forgot what I wanted to say, because I’d just realized his expression was a little off. He wasn’t smiling at me like he usually was. I couldn’t read his expression at all.
“Jake?” I said, voice tentative, after several seconds of him just standing there and staring at me without saying anything. “Is something wrong?”
“Why don’t you tell me?” he retorted.
I licked my lip. There was no clue in his voice, either. It was entirely calm, and I couldn’t read his mood, but I couldn’t help feeling like there was something wrong.
“I was looking for you because there was something I needed to tell you urgently,” I admitted. “It’s something I’ve wanted to tell you since you came back, but I just didn’t know the best time to bring it up.”
He narrowed his eyes. “So you did intend to tell me? I’m sorry, but it’s too late for that, Klara.”
I was frozen. He knew.
He hadn't said it specifically, but I couldn’t think of any other reason that would have him acting strange all of a sudden. Even though I had intended to tell him, I was left shell-shocked. For a while, I could only blink and stare up at him. I was numb, not sure how I was supposed to be feeling.
My mood would mostly depend on his. I didn’t know how he would take this news, and because I was worried about that, I’d put it off.
How do you even start to talk about something like this? What if he got mad? What if he didn’t believe me, since we were only together the once, even though it was for several rounds?
Spending time with him for the past several days, I knew he at least cared about me, but what about our son?
Would he want to meet him?