Was it something about my work? I knew he was still monitoring me to some extent. Since he's retired, he didn’t poke his nose into the business besides asking me a few things here and there, and he didn’t interfere, but it was his life’s work. It was impossible for him to lose interest in it completely.
“I did have something to talk to you about,” he said.
There was a downturn in his mouth that made me think he didn’t like that I made the assumption he would only call me for the sake of work.
“Go ahead.”
He stopped eating and set down his utensils, giving me his full attention.
“I…have been asked to speak at your brother’s old college,” he said, voice going only a little rough.
Suddenly, the entire table was silent.
Dad continued. “They’ve asked a couple times. I refused at first, but I thought it wouldn’t be a bad opportunity. I wanted to ask if you’d like to come along before I agree to anything.”
I felt a little like I was suffocating. It wasn’t like we never talked about him. He had died, but it wasn’t like he hadn't existed. Dad looked steady, but mom ducked her head and stared at the table. I even heard her sniffle a little.
“It’s a bit of a trip from California to New York,” I said, sounding a little strangled.
“I thought we could stay there for a while; we could book two suites at a hotel close to the school. You’ve never been to New York before, so if there was anything you wanted to take a look at, you could. I have a few friends there I was thinking of meeting myself.”
Still, I wasn’t sure about it. I could feel the rising guilt piercing my chest.
Mom was the one that made up my mind for me.
“You should do it,” she said after a few more sniffles, raising her head. Her eyes were red. “The both of you. You’re right, dear, it is a wonderful opportunity, and you’ve been feeling bored recently. And Jake, it might help if you took a trip with your dad to get you both out of depression.”
My lips twitched, but I couldn’t even smile.
Mom, aren’t you just as depressed, if not more, than the both of us? We bury ourselves in work, but don’t you do the same thing?
She was always one to put taking care of her family on top of everything, but things had changed. When we realized the wedding wasn’t going to happen immediately, I’d left home and continued my ways. Dad was disappointed, my brother was busy with his problems, and Mom only put up a token protest, but let me do as I pleased, as always.
Before, and after the funeral for a few months, I moved in back home because I lived too far away. I stayed there for months while I was taking my classes, and didn’t get my new place until mid-last year when I finally moved out of home a second time.
Mom had been the one to insist I find a new place close to home.
Growing up, Dad had always played bad cop, while Mom played good cop, but now, Dad was silent, and Mom was the one trying to keep me in line. She messaged me often, and though she only called after she knew I had the time to spare, she called every Sunday, when she used to wait for me to call her first.
I didn’t realize before, how much she missed having me around while I was off having the time of my life. It was pretty rare for me to think to call home, my brother would be the one to remind me. When I thought of my behavior toward my parents before, I felt even more guilt.
Still, I couldn’t just carelessly say what was on my mind. If Mom wanted to talk, she would talk, but she was trying to stay strong for both Dad and me. Mom had been the happiest about my brother’s wedding; she even helped the bride’s family prepare for everything.
Who would have known that only a few months later, it would turn into so much sadness and pain for our family? His plane crashed while he was going to see his fiancé and her family, and ever since, Mom hadn’t mentioned them or gotten in touch with them, even though she’d been such an enthusiastic in-law.
So, why not?
“When are we leaving?” I asked, decided.
“I already have the jet prepared. Sorry to bring this up last minute, but you were busy at the office when I called. We can head out this afternoon unless you have something important to see to next week?”
There wasn’t anything that I couldn’t delegate to someone else. I’d been looking forward to a more relaxed week compared to the past few.
“I wish you’d told me this before I came over, I’ll need to pack…”
“You have some of your stuff in your old room from when you stayed over, don’t you?” Mom chimed in helpfully. “If there’s anything else you’ll need, you can just buy. I already helped your dad pack a suitcase, should I help you, too?”
“It’s fine, Mom,” I said quickly. “I can pack by myself.”