It was all what I never wanted in my life. Waking up early in the morning, going into the office to do a lot of work, go through several high profile meetings and leave late. But how could I still complain about little stuff like this, when my brother was no longer there to shoulder the responsibility, so I wouldn’t have to, as the second, less capable son?
Rubbing my chest, I pushed aside my uncomfortable feelings and immersed myself in work.
Mrs. Cove didn’t bother me before she left, so nothing came up, at least. Today had been relatively quiet, a few paperwork to go through and one internal meeting. In the months since I’d started working at the company, I could count it as one of my more relaxing days.
Once I finished my work, I left the office. I didn’t go straight home. I was done with learning, and I had nothing to look forward to by going home besides regrets, I spent a lot of my nights, if not all of them, out drinking.
I had a favorite bar. It wasn’t too far from the office, or my place, but was located somewhere comfortably in the middle. I stopped by so often and developed a habit; I had my parking space in the club’s VIP parking, where I’d leave my car, take a taxi to go home, and pick it up in the morning to go to work. Now more than ever, I wouldn’t be careless about something like this.
“Good evening, Jake,” my favorite bartender said as I sat down at my usual seat in the bar. “What can I get for you tonight?”
I arched an eyebrow. “Just a beer, please.”
He smirked. “One of these days I’ll get you to try something new.”
I smiled, but there was no humor behind it
. I wasn’t drinking anything for the taste, after all. This was just a growing, wind-down ritual at the end of my day when I wasn’t off somewhere else for a meeting or conference or whatever. He got me my beer and went to talk to the other customers.
My life had become boring, mundane. Everything that I hated, but I didn’t have any strong feelings for it. More than anything, I was resigned. It wouldn’t get rid of my guilt or my regrets, but I had every intention of going along without any big complaints or tantrums like I would have thrown before if anyone in my family had brought it up.
As I did, that time in Vegas when my brother brought it up and I got so mad at him; I refused to talk to him properly before he died.
It was a regret I would carry until the day my death came to claim me.
Of course, there were the other matters that happened in Vegas that I hadn't been able to forget about, either.
Klara. The woman I met and spent a day and night with.
Because of Klara, and my memories with her in Vegas, I hadn't gone crazy from guilt. When I thought back to the trip, I would think of my brother, I couldn’t help it; and once in a while, my mind would cast to Klara.
There was very little I knew about her. I knew it when I left the hotel room that day, but I hadn't thought too much about it until way later, when it was too damn late to try and find her, and I had considered it quite a few times. If I could find her…what would it be like? Did she deal with the problems she was running from, the same way I did? I could barely remember her face, but I did remember how the expressions she unconsciously showed made me feel like she had bigger problems than I did.
Staring off into space as I took a sip of my drink, I mused to myself.
I wonder what happened to her…
Chapter Twelve
Klara
“All right, that’s it for today. Don’t forget your assignments, and I’ll see you all in our next class.”
After his closing statement, the lecturer picked up his stuff and left the room. Right on his heels were student leaving the lecture room, going from silent to noisy in seconds. I didn’t get up, waiting for the crush of people to leave so I could follow after. As the room slowly emptied, I stretched my arms out and allowed myself to relax.
How the hell did I ever put up with this? I grumbled to myself.
I didn’t miss school. In a lot of ways, college was worse than high school. The classes were less, and I got plenty of free time every day, but I also had assignments and stuff to study that filled up that free time, and the lectures were incredibly long. I just sat through a more than two-hour-long lecture, and my ass had fallen asleep, my hand was cramping from all the notes I’d written, and I still had one more class for the day.
Can't I just skip? I whimpered to myself, but I knew there was no way I could. Maybe I just got too used to having so much time on my hands, but I felt mentally exhausted, and I’d only been back for a week. It was a bit different this time, too. All the people I knew from before had all graduated, so it was like starting all over again while I didn’t know anyone.
For an introvert, it was a scary thing, but at least I hadn't gotten any group assignments just yet.
I looked up after lying on my desk for a minute. The room wasn’t empty, there were still some students seated down, others were clustered together and chatting, but the room was mostly empty. I didn’t think there was another lecture in the room. I considered staying until it was time for lunch. A quick check on my phone told me I had an hour before my next class. In another twenty minutes, I would go eat, then head for my last class of the day in the afternoon.
Just after I’d made the decision, my phone beeped. It was a text from Mom, asking when I’d be back. I sent a quick text back, letting her know I had one more class. I was tempted just to skip and go home, but I knew I had to take my studying seriously.
I played around on my phone for a little bit, then got up and left the lecture room. There were quite a few cafes in and around the school, and I picked one of the smaller ones that weren’t usually crowded. I gave my order and sat down to eat. By the time I was done eating, I still had plenty of time, so I decided to go for a walk.