The waitress wrote it down, then walked away.
Once we were left alone again, the silence returned.
Dammit.
“So, how was your day?” I asked quickly. “I mean, you stopped by Wendy’s and looked after my little cousin. I hope he didn’t give you any trouble?”
“Oh, not at all,” she answered just as quickly. “He was a total sweetheart. And it was nice getting to see and talk to Wendy after so long.”
“What did you guys talk about?”
I was latching onto whatever topic that would keep the conversation going, but the moment I said it, I knew I’d made a mistake. Alessandra didn’t reply for a long time, blinking at me. It took a minute, then I smiled.
“Ah, sorry. I’m prying, aren’t I? It’s none of my business what you guys talk about. I’m happy you finally met again, though. She was always asking me about you, and she wanted you to be there at the wedding…”
She nodded slowly. “I am sorry I missed it. She showed me the photos. It looked amazing.”
That could have been us.
The thought jumped into my mind, unexpectedly. It had been what I felt when I went to Wendy’s wedding. Alessandra and I had separated already, and I had wondered then what our would have been like if I’d asked her to marry me.
Somewhere along the way, did I make a mistake?
I could only vaguely remember the shit that happened before the break-up. We didn’t have a lot of time with each other, because we were both dealing with issues. I felt I had more to deal with than she did, and whenever I thought that I felt ashamed of myself.
After all, my father was ill, and I was dealing with the company, and I’d had to work my schedule to finish college early because of it. Then, there was Mom’s disapproval of Alessandra. And later Dad died, and I wanted to see Alessandra so badly but didn’t think I could.
I held back so much because I thought everything would be worth it in the end. She would finish school, and I would get the hang of being the company CEO, and we would move on with our lives.
We would be happy.
When did that change?
I wanted to ask. I wanted to ask Alessandra a lot of things, but whether or not she would answer was another thing, and I didn’t want to scare her off. This was only our second meeting, and it was already a good sign when she had been the one to ask me out.
Deciding to move on to a different topic, I opened my mouth. Before I could speak, though, the noise in the bar suddenly got louder. More and more people were coming in, and I frowned, realizing other people were finally coming out of work and deciding to have a little fun before they went home.
Alessandra looked sheepish.
“I’m sorry,” she said, raising her voice a bit to be heard. “I didn’t think it would get this loud. I’ve never been here around this time, usually a bit earlier or later and it’s never been this loud!”
I arched an eyebrow and leaned across the table. She did the same, and I tried not to imagine how intimate the scene would look to any outsiders.
“Do you come here often?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Just a couple times recently. You know I don’t drink.”
I nodded, already feeling the relief that this much about her hadn't changed. It was hitting me again that we had been apart for fifteen months. While she hadn't started a new romance, gotten married and had some other man’s kid, all sorts of things could have happened within that time that I had no idea about.
Would it be safe to ask?
I didn’t dare to.
“You can just ignore them. There seems to be a party or something going on. It’s not always this rowdy in here.”
I watched as she picked up her bottle, and lifted my own as I smiled.
“Come on. We came here to have a good time, right? So let’s get to it!”