I sighed, and nearly opened my eyes, only I felt something touch my eyelids, so I kept them closed.
“Nora, I know you’re worried. Believe me, I’m not sure if I can do this myself, but I can still try, right? So I can get closure?”
“What I’m really worried about,” she said, her voice full of frustration. “Is that instead of any sort of closure, you’ll just end up getting hurt again. I wasn’t the only one that saw the way he was looking at you at the bridal store.”
I hunched in on myself a little. “He was probably just surprised to see me.”
“Yeah. He was surprised twice, and the second time was because he noticed the dress. You’re not…please tell me you’re not doing this because you think there’s a chance he might still love you?”
Was I? I asked myself this question, not sure if there was even an answer for it. Did I even want Abe to still be in love with me? After so much time spent apart…could I dare to try and rekindle things between us? I would have liked to say that wasn’t possible, but then, why would I go out with him knowing it would only hurt later?
For a long moment, I said nothing, thinking over my answer. Nora took the chance to speak up more to try and get me not to go.
“I’m sure I don’t have to remind you why this is a bad idea, right? Not only are you a grown up, I doubt you could have forgotten just because half a dozen years had passed.”
I bit down on my lip, only to feel Nora poke my cheek with the opposite end of the brush, and I released it.
“Brooklyn,” she said, her voice gentling. “I was there for you after he broke up with you. Because I knew you weren’t okay, I spent the summer after graduation with you in Cali until my parents made me come back to New York City.”
“You were enjoying the beach your entire time there, it’s not like it was a chore,” I retorted in a mumble, trying not to move my lips too much as she was still working.
“None of it was a chore,” she said firmly. “You’re my best friend, of course I would be there for you. I mean, the beaches were nice, but my priority was always you. You know yourself how heartbroken you were after Abe left you. What if he does the same thing again? Are you just trying to punish yourself, or what? And even if you are, there are better ways to go about it besides ripping your own heart out of your chest.”
Every word out of her mouth hit the mark, and I was having second thoughts about whether I really needed to do this. It would be better if I just stood Abe up and told him I wanted nothing more to do with him. It was the least he deserved, after all. But, even as that thought rose up in my mind, I could feel threads of reluctance. Because I could lie to myself, but I knew I wanted to go.
“I think it’ll be better if I just go,” I said slowly.
Nora made a sound of frustration. “Brooklyn—”
I cut her off. “Think of it this way. I only have a few days left to stick around here. It doesn’t matter if I see him this time, because once I go back home, there won’t be any more chances. I just…want to have this last time, then I’ll leave, and I’ll completely cut off all contact with him. I don’t think we could meet again, even by coincidence, right?”
Nora held her words back for a bit, and I waited nervously for her answer. I trusted a lot in what Nora said, and if she really insisted on me not going to see Abe, then I wouldn’t go. My mind wasn’t in the right place, and I knew I couldn’t think objectively about this. Nora, though, had been with me the whole way as I struggled to get past him and failed thus far.
When I could finally open my eyes, I looked at my best friend’s frowning face and held my breath. After a moment, she sighed.
“You might as well go, then,” she said, sounding defeated. “If anything, you’ll at least get some revenge on Abe. He should feel a bit more regret for what he did. Clearly, he doesn’t feel enough if he thinks asking you out for drinks is the right thing to do after everything. And you will be leaving, anyway, so if you can leave him guessing, then good.”
I smiled at her assessment, and got up to see my look in the mirror. I was pleasantly surprised. The make-up didn’t look too thick, you could barely tell I’d used any. It was a subtleness Nora hadn't had before, and I believed her when she said she’d improved. Suddenly, my confidence was kicked up a notch higher.
“All right,” I said, picking up my purse and checking the time on my cell. “It’s almost time for me to head out. I will go, I will be out of reach. And I will end things with Abe once and for all.”
I said the words, feeling full of determination, and faced my own expression as I tried to brand these words in my mind. I wasn’t going to let Abe see even the lightest weakness. He was going to believe I would soon be a happily married woman. If it didn’t affect him at all…then whatever. But if it did, then good.
“Do you want me to go with you, at least to get you to the bar?”
“Thanks, Nora, but it’s okay. I need to do this by myself. And after… I’ll go back to California and find love. Real love. For now, as long as Abe believes I’ve moved on, it’ll be enough.”
I ran my hands down the front of my coat, a nervous gesture that I couldn’t help. I turned to Nora, and she gave me a pat on the shoulder.
“Yeah,” she added. “Even if it’s a lie, it’ll be fine as long as he believes it’s the truth, so you need to act like you’ve never acted before.”
I nodded firmly, then turned to the bedroom door, ready to leave and have the closure that I’d been hoping for…for too many years.
Chapter Four
Abe
I waited outside the bar for Brooklyn to arrive. I’d given her the address, and she was a grown up, I could trust her to make her way there on her own just fine, but I felt anxious. Seeing as she didn’t want me to pick her up. Not just that she might go the wrong way, but…