“I got pregnant on my wedding night,” I say, and it’s the truth. She only looks more confused, and I don’t blame her. Why else would I have married Paul? “It was a mistake. One I won’t make again, so you can put your list away.”
Her face falls. “Don’t let one asshole sour love for you.”
It wasn't only one. It was two, although I’m not sure I can call him an asshole because he might not know about Rae. Paul told me Isaac knew and wanted nothing to do with a whore that would fuck her husband’s brother on her wedding day. As much as I hated to admit it, it was kind of understandable. That said, Paul could have made that all up.
I hadn't felt like a whore that night. For a brief moment I thought fate had brought him to me. When his mouth came down on mine, I felt complete. I let go of everything and let myself get lost. I just had no idea how lost I’d gotten. I’d never seen Paul in such a rage, and everything came crashing down. As fast as I’d thought I found what I’d always been looking for, it was gone.
“I don’t think all of us are meant for love. At least not the soul mate kind. I’ve got Rae.” Eve’s face softens. She had her first baby only a couple of months ago. I won’t be surprised when she announces they’re expecting their second.
“I know you do. I just know what it’s like to feel alone.”
Eve lost her parents too. The only difference is she didn't have anyone else like I had Rae and Dasher. When I’d come to stay with Dasher, I didn't feel guilty about no longer having a father figure for Rae. He slipped right into the role for her, and I wonder if things will start to change now that he has his own family.
“Who’s on the list?” I ask, making Eve smile.
“Have you met Chris Kabler?” The name sounds familiar. “He’s an attorney.” My face must give away what I’m thinking. “He works for the state, not a slimy one.”
“Are you sure about that? I think he’s got his eye on politics,” my brother says, strolling into the kitchen. He’s got their son tucked in his arm with Rae following close behind. She’s taking being a new cousin very seriously. More than once since the baby got here she’s asked me to give her a brother or sister. “Why did you pick Kabler?” Dasher doesn't try to hide his jealousy, and Eve rolls her eyes.
I feel my own jealousy at the two of them. My brother needs Eve because she’s so good for him. I’ve never seen him this happy before. Sometimes it makes the longing for that kind of love almost impossible.
“Who?” Rae asks, coming over to me. I give her a kiss on top of the head as she steals my hot chocolate.
“No one,” I tell her. She looks up at me with those big blue eyes that are every inch her father’s. I can never look at her and not see him, but who am I kidding? I can’t close my eyes at night and not see him then either.
Eve moves the conversation back to the Christmas party. I'm sure she already has an invitation in the mail to this Kabler guy, and I should move on. I haven't even tried dating because there’s always something holding me back. Something? I inwardly roll my eyes at myself. I know what that something is, and it’s Rae’s father. It feels so unfinished.
I worry my bottom lip between my teeth and think maybe it’s time I finish it for good. I’m just not sure how to do that without having to reach out to Paul. The last thing I need is to pull that man back into myself. He’s good about getting his hooks into people, then destroying them.
Two
ISAAC
My driver pulls up to the estate, and I see the house is crowded. I tell him to wait for me as the valet opens my door and I step out. I wonder why the hell there are so many people here on Christmas Day, but the numbers will help me blend in.
I button my tuxedo jacket and take in the lights and decorations. The entire place is decked out for Christmas, and the snow we got earlier makes it look like something out of a magazine.
People are walking past me as they file into the house, and everyone is dressed in black tie. Not only is there a huge party here on Christmas Day, but it looks like a movie premier complete with red carpet.
When I get to the entrance, I see there’s someone at the door asking for names, and I move along the edge of the line. As I approach, I move to the right and into the shadows as a delivery from the catering crew is being taken in. I bypass the guys working and grab a crate of champagne glasses, using that to slip in the back. Once in the busy belly of the kitchen, it’s easy to sneak past the chaos and into the crowd at the back of the house. On the veranda they have heaters going and fire pits throughout to keep even the cold chill of the night from interrupting the party.