One time he got into a really nasty fight over some loose change on the sidewalk. Later I learned he started it because he was so angry about mom and dad, so filled with hate that they were gone, that they’d abandoned us.
That was how he put it. They abandoned us.
He’s had that edge ever since their deaths, and now I can’t stop thinking about all the countless ways he could have gotten himself into trouble.
I pull on my hoodie and my sneakers – I’m already wearing my sweatpants – and run down the hallway, head bowed just in case I run into any of the staff. I’ve never hidden down here this late in the morning before. I’m normally up before anybody arrives for work.
Santa’s Wonderland is jam-packed with families, the line snaking around from where Nick sits to the end of the red carpet and then spilling over it. My gaze scans the scene for any sign of Kenny, but the mall is too crowded.
Yet, I would recognize him. I know I would.
I take out my cell phone and call the orphanage, thinking maybe he overslept, even if he hasn’t been late for this job once since he started. And ever since I told him I saw the man who killed our parents hanging out here, he’s been arriving even earlier, keen to eavesdrop for the man’s name, his history, anything about him.
But he’s not at the orphanage, I learn after a frantic half-minute on the phone. He’s already left for work.
So where the heck is he?
Suddenly I feel like I’m going to collapse into a heap, start hyperventilating when I think about how stupid I was, goading him to help me when I should’ve been looking out for him.
I don’t even think about it as I barge through the line at Santa’s Wonderland. Parents shooting me evil looks. I feel their gazes burning into my back as I make my way to the front. Several people mutter loudly, calling me rude. One man snaps at me to get to the back of the line.
I ignore them all, racing over to Nick.
The mother at my side makes a loud huffing noise, but I stare at Nick, stare hard.
When he talks, it isn’t in Santa’s cheery tone, the one he’s been forcing ever since he started here.
It’s his voice, deep and growly and ready for action.
“What is it, Natalie?” he snarls. “What’s going on?”
“It’s Kenny,” I tell him. “Maybe I’m overreacting, but he hasn’t missed work once and he’s not at the orphanage and I’m supposed to protect him. I’m supposed to keep him safe and—”
Nick stands and reaches out for my shoulders, squeezing me tightly. “We’ll find him. We’ll leave right now and find him. Don’t worry, Natalie. I meant it when I said I’d protect you – and your family, our family. Come on.”
“Hey, what about my kid?” somebody yells as Nick takes my hand and drags me to the edge of Santa's Wonderland.
Nick pushes aside the white fence and pulls us through the gap, looking down at me with eyes full of steely assurance.
I squeeze tightly onto his hand, taking whatever comfort I can.
We stride out to the parking lot, Nick looking around as though Kenny is going to leap out from behind one of the cars.
“There’s the area for staff to park,” I tell him. “ Should we check there first?”
He nods as we stand off to the side, away from the flow of pedestrians. And then he leans down and lays a soft kiss on my forehead.
I almost laugh at the feeling of his fake Santa beard brushing against my skin.
“You forgot to take the beard off,” I murmur, but there’s little humor in my voice, not when all I can think about is my brother.
“Oops,” he says, in an equally hollow tone.
I think he can sense how close I am to breaking.
Chapter Thirteen
Nick
Natalie leads me to the side of the parking lot, across the crisp ground which makes a crackling noise with each step – the snow crunching beneath our feet – and around a small building to a parking area with a barrier across the entrance.
“That’s his car,” Natalie gasps, pointing to a rundown hunk of rusted shit sitting in the corner.
My mind is focused on the immediacy of my woman’s pain, of the need to find her brother and put her mind at ease, but at the sight of the car, I can’t help but think about what we discussed yesterday. About my money and how I’m going to provide for them, about the future I’m going to carve out for us.
I turn to her, cradling her face in my hands.
She looks so small and vulnerable beneath me, a fierce blush across her cheeks from the adrenalin, my touch turning it a shade darker which twists me up inside.