I crawled across the bed toward her waiting body, and she spread her soft thighs for me. “What do you need from me?” I asked, just before my lips touched the side of her neck. I took in the smell that was so much like Lynn’s and wished for what I couldn’t have.
She grabbed my hair and pulled it tight in her fist so she could look me in the eye. “I need you to pretend I’m her until it’s over. I want what she gets. Always.”
I shook my head. “I can’t give you that.”
“Pretend, Mason. Just fucking pretend.” She shoved me over onto my back, and then she straddled me, lifted my dick away from my stomach, adjusted so that she had the right angle, and then she sank down on my cock, taking me in slowly, inch by slow inch. When she had me buried deep inside her, she stopped and looked down at me. I closed my eyes and, for a moment, I could pretend she was Lynn. She started to move. I grabbed her hips, and helped her find a rhythm. “I love you, Mason,” she said.
And for a second, I let myself believe she was Lynn, that Lynn was riding my cock. When Ash came apart around me, taking what she needed from me, I flipped her over and fucked her hard, making her cry out as I lunged deep, taking everything she would give me. But even if she gave me all of her, she’d never be Lynn. No one could be Lynn, and I knew that deep in my soul.
I collapsed on top of her and she wrapped her arms around me, her fingernails tickling my back. I lifted my head and looked down. “Lynn?” I asked. I don’t know why I asked that. It was stupid, wishful thinking.
“Still me,” Ash said. “Sorry.”
I nodded and rolled off her, going to dispose of the condom. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, hating the man who stared back at me. “Ash? You should probably go sleep in the guest room,” I called out.
When I came out of the bathroom, she had left the room. The door down the hallway slammed hard enough to rattle the walls. I winced and flopped onto my bed. Ash had collected her things before she left. The only thing Ash had left behind was the photo of me and Lynn.
I set it on the nightstand, and then I laid there for hours trying to figure out what could have gone wrong. Why did Lynn leave? Where did she go?
How could I get her back?
5
The next morning, I woke bleary-eyed and a little sick to my stomach, my belly churning with nerves. I put on a pot of coffee, and went to the door of the guest room. Lifting my hand, I rapped my knuckles against the door. No answer.
I knocked again and pressed my ear to the door. Nothing.
I heard nothing.
Bile crept up my throat as my world tilted. I threw the door open. The room was empty. The bed was a rumpled mess, and all Ash’s things were gone. I slapped my hand against the wall hard enough that my shoulder stung as ripples of pain spiked up my arm. I shook it out, appreciating the bite of the pain. Pain reminded me that I was still alive.
But Ash was gone, and now I had to find her. She was the only one who knew how to get hold of Shelly, and Shelly might know where Lynn was. I was sure I had fucked things up last night, and I needed to see how Ash was feeling, particularly since I sent her to a different room last night after I had sex with her.
I’d used her and then I’d sent her away.
I scrubbed a hand down my face and stumbled back to the coffee pot. Pouring myself a cup, I took a sip and tried to figure out how we’d gotten to this place. Lynn had been a runner ever since I met her. When things got hard, she took off. It had a lot to do with her history of abuse. She tended to shut down when times got tough.
If they got tough enough, she just vanished. She took a few days, and then she came back. She would send her friends into a maelstrom as everyone tried to find her. But one thing I always knew was that as soon as she worked her shit out in her head, she would come back to me. I knew that without a shadow of a doubt.
Usually, though, I knew what set her off. When I got accepted to college, and we knew I would be leaving, she disappeared for a month. And when I started my residency, she left for two weeks. No one could find her, not even her friends. When I suggested we move in together, she left for twenty-four days. Twenty-four days I went without her. But I always knew she’d be back.
This time, I had no idea what had set her off, so I didn’t know if she’d be back. For the first time ever, I wasn’t sure if the love of my life would be back. And it was eating me up inside.
I froze as I heard a knocking sound from my garage. Surely Ash wasn’t in there. I walked to the door and flung it open. Legs covered with dirty brown overalls poked out from beneath my car, which was lifted in the air by a jack.
“Who’s there?” I called. But I already knew. There was only one person who could have that much grease on her and still look like a woman. “Jamie?”
She slid out from under the car, the rolling
sled she was on gliding along the garage floor. Jamie’s sky-colored eyes blinked up at me, framed by the most amazing whiskey-colored lashes. “Oh, hey, Mason. Lynn asked me to come by and take care of your car,” she explained. She pressed with her feet to slide back under the car, but I stuck my leg out and caught the sled with my foot. I pulled her back out.
“When did Lynn ask you to come by?” I asked, kneeling down next to her. My heart hammered in my chest.
“A couple of weeks ago. I’m sorry it took me so long.” She laid there staring up at me, her knees bent and feet flat on the ground as she waited for me to continue. But my heart was already sinking. I had hoped she would say yesterday.
“You know Lynn’s gone, right?”
She nodded. “Ash told me.” She looked toward the ceiling, staring at nothing. “She’s looking for her.”