“Am I allowed to talk now?” he asks.
“Shut up,” I mutter. “You made me fall in love with you! How could you do it? How could you do that to me, Jake?”
Jake swipes a hand down his face. Is he wiping away a smile? I stop in front of him and glare at him. The smile vanishes.
I gesture
to the air around us. “This place,” I say. “It’s like stepping back in time. Before Jeff. Before Cole. Before my life went to shit. Only it’s not the past, because I have the evidence of my happy life, my kids, right here with me. It’s like the past meets the present.” I slap my hands together so hard that Jake jumps. “But we can’t be happy, because Cole is still out there. He’s waiting to mess it all up.”
I run a hand across my forehead. “You know, I haven’t cried over Cole one single time since all this started, and then you asked me to marry you for the sole purpose of dragging Cole out into the open. How dare you!”
Jake finally looks up and into my eyes. “What?”
“You, the white knight, you showed up and you made me want all the things I hadn’t wanted since Jeff died. You made me love your football arm with Alex and your doing diapers with Hank and your talking with boys about Gabby and your blue raccoon spray with Trixie. And then there was the support you offered and the crazy-good kisses. And I didn’t stand a chance! Not a chance in hell! How could you do that to me, Jake?”
I flop down onto the porch step and heave out a sigh.
“And then there was the sex,” I say. “Oh my God.” I bury my face in my hands.
Jake’s brows lift, but he says nothing.
“It was the best sex I’ve ever had.”
Jake grins, but still he says nothing.
“It was…amazing. You are amazing. You are the man I love. And you want me to marry you so that we can flush a madman out of hiding? Are you serious?”
I lean back, exhausted.
Jake sits quietly for a few minutes. He says nothing.
“You can talk now,” I finally mutter.
“So…” Jake says slowly. When I don’t interrupt him or tell him to shut up, he keeps going. “You do love me.”
I nod my head, unable to speak for the huge lump that’s suddenly in my throat.
“That’s good.” He plucks a piece of grass out of the flowerbed and rolls it between his fingers. He nods his head toward the lake. “Come and walk with me. The sun’s coming up.”
We walk hand in hand in silence down to the dock, and he sits down, dangling his feet over the water. He pats the space next to him, and I sit down beside him. He’s quiet. The lake is still in the early morning. The sky is painted with streaks of orange and pink.
“Summer has always been my favorite season,” he says.
He gives my hand a squeeze.
“It’s when it starts to warm up. The flowers bloom and the trees grow big and green. We get out swimsuits and the lake becomes our playground. We get to be loud and boisterous and make noise, and yet still share quiet moments like this.”
A fishing crane flies by, and we both watch it.
“I asked you to marry me because I love you. Not because Cole is out there waiting.”
“But that’s not what you said,” I say petulantly.
Jake tweaks my nose. “I know. I was being efficient. I thought you knew how I feel about you. I talked to your parents a few days ago. I asked them if I could offer you a ring, if I could ask you to marry me.”
My heart clenches in my chest and the lump in my throat grows double in size. “What did they say?”
“They said it’s your decision and that I would have to ask you.” He shrugs. “After last night, I thought it was a done deal. I should have thought about the way that stupid proposal sounded. It was an awful way to tell you how very much I love you.”