“Too soon?” I ask, going stiff in his arms.
He pulls my head back to look into my eyes. “Not too soon,” he says, and then he kisses me, right there in front of everybody.
43
Jake
I lie in bed staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours. It could be minutes. It could be days. All I know is that I’m not with Katie, and where she is is where I desperately want to be. I want to be inside her. I want to be on top of her. I want to wrap her around me and never, ever let her go.
From down the hallway, Hank l
ets out that tiny little wail he does every night when he wakes up around midnight. It usually startles me out of my sleep every time he does it; not because it’s awful or annoying, but because I listen for it every single night. Even with the alarms I put on the doors and the windows, I still worry about them, and I suppose I’ll worry about them for the rest of my life.
I imagine Katie getting out of bed all bleary-eyed, shuffling over to his bassinette and scooping him up. Then she’ll sit down with him and bare her breast. Since she’s in her room, she won’t worry about covering up. It’ll be her and Hank and the quiet of the night as she feeds him and rocks him back to sleep in my mother’s old rocking chair. In my fantasies, I’m the one who hears him cry out in the night, and I get up, get him, and take him to her. I’m the one who bares her breast for him and I wait until he’s done feeding so I can put him back to bed.
I want to ease some of Katie’s burden.
But even more than that, I want to fuck her.
I want to sink deep inside her, steal her breath, and not give it back until she’s clenching around me. I’ll pulse deep inside her, and she’ll tighten and cry out my name.
I roll over and pound my fist into my pillow. I have never wanted anyone or anything as badly as I want her. And I want her forever. I don’t want her for a moment, or for a short time, or for an experience. I want her always. I want her early morning and her late night. I want her midday and I want her bedtime. I just want her.
I lie there waiting, counting the minutes until I can go and crawl into bed with her, until I can be inside her.
Screw it. I’m just going to go to her. I toss the covers back and just as I do, my door opens with a soft snick. I look up and Katie steps into my room, closing the door softly behind her. She leans her forehead against the door and presses her palms against the wood. In one hand, she’s holding the receiving end of the wireless baby monitor.
“Katie,” I say quietly as I go to stand next to her. She’s wearing an oversized t-shirt and a tiny pair of sleep shorts. Her dark hair is plaited in a loose braid over her shoulder.
“I was going crazy waiting for you,” she says quietly, and I hear the tremor in her voice.
I press my front against her back, and she leans into me, molding her body to mine. “And I’ve been lying here waiting for you all night. Is Hank asleep?” I whisper, as I kiss the side of her neck. She shivers in my arms, and I see goose bumps rise on hers. I take the baby monitor from her hand and lay it on my dresser.
“Yes,” she whispers, and then she spins in my arms. “He’ll sleep for a few hours.” Her hands wrap around my neck as she pulls my face down to hers.
I lift her shirt over her head, and then pull her sleep shorts down so she can step out of them. She holds onto my shoulders until I stand back up. Then I scoop her up and hitch her hips around my waist. “Unfortunately, the first time isn’t going to take a few hours. It’ll be minutes. Seconds, even.”
“Oh, thank God,” she says. She holds tightly to my shoulders until I lay her on my bed. I stare down at her perfect body, made even more perfect by the birth of children, the passage of time, and my absolute love for her. “I don’t want to wait, Jake,” she says. She rolls over and her bare bottom lifts ever so slightly. “I don’t want that stare-into-my-eyes kind of sex, Jake. I want quick and raw and hot.” She buries her face in her arms and her round bottom clenches. “Fuck me, Jake.”
I reach into my nightstand drawer and retrieve a condom. “Yes, ma’am,” I say. I start to tear the package open with my teeth, and a tiny little knock sounds on my door.
Katie squeals and rolls to the edge of the bed, and then she drops down onto the floor with a thump. She tugs my covers until they fall onto the floor with her.
“Shit,” I grit out. I pull my shirt back over my head and put my pajama pants back on, and then I crack the door ever so slightly.
Trixie stands in my doorway. She has a blanket clutched in one fist and her thumb is stuck solidly in her mouth. “There’s a noise under my bed,” she says around her thumb.
I drop down to crouch in front of her. “What kind of noise?”
“It’s the blue raccoon. He wants to steal my covers.” She holds up her blanket. “See?”
“Do you need some blue raccoon spray?”
She nods and tucks her blanket next to her cheek. “Yes, please.”
“Go back to bed,” I say. “I’ll be right there.”
I close my door, drop to my knees on my bed and crawl across to look down at Katie. “You okay down there?”