Me: She’s fine.
BestBrotherEver: Are you sure?
Me: I’m positive. I’m sitting right here looking at her.
I’m looking at her naked in my mind’s eye, for fuck’s sake.
BestBrotherEver: It’s me again. Lark is sending me to the store to get peanut butter and ice cream.
Me: Pregnant food?
BestBrotherEver: Did you know that pregnant women want to have sex all the time? It’s like heaven. With bitching and crying. Henry tells me not to try to fight with a hormone, that I can’t win. So, I just get crazy food and let her climb on the old Ryan pole any time she wants.
Me: Ew
BestBrotherEver: TMI?
Me: Way TMI.
BestBrotherEver: So what’s wrong? Why are you asking for help? Shit getting too real?
Me: Define too real.
BestBrotherEver: You’re feeling feelings and she’s feeling feelings and you’re both hot and sweaty and tired and you have kids stuck up your ass 24/7 and you’re stuck in a confined space with them. When that happens, things tend to get real. It’s like feelings and shit are sitting right there on the surface, and they’re just waiting to either be acknowledged or thumped away.
I say nothing, because what Ryan’s saying sort of makes sense, and that scares the fuck out of me.
Me: You been reading pregnancy books again?
BestBrotherEver: No, I’m married and I love it. And I know if I was you, and I was stuck in confined spaces all day with the woman I love, I’d want to jump her bones, particularly late at night when she’s lying there breathing softly beside me.
Me: .....
BestBrotherEver: You tried to fuck her and she said no, right? I knew it.
Me: No, that’s not what happened.
BestBrotherEver: Oh my GOD! SHE tried to fuck YOU and YOU said no.
Me: Shut up
BestBrotherEver: You turned down pussy you’re in love with.
Me: It’s not the right time.
BestBrotherEver: You waiting for her to drop down on her knees and profess her undying love for you?
Me: Shut up
BestBrotherEver: Oh my GOD. You are!
Me: I hate you.
BestBrotherEver: Did you tell her about Nicky?
Me: No
BestBrotherEver: Why not?