“You’re leaving?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“Why?” I’m still standing naked in the shower and he’s leaving.
“Because I can’t do this. I can’t be that guy.”
“What guy?”
“The guy you need. The guy who doesn’t give a fuck.”
“I don’t want a guy who doesn’t give a fuck, Mick. What are you talking about?”
“I get it, Wren. I really do. Your parents died. You met a man who would never love you. Your baby, who could have loved you unconditionally, died. You’ve lost a lot, more than anyone should ever have to lose. But I can’t be one of your casualties. You have to either be in it or out of it.”
“I’m in it.” I’m standing here naked, for Christ’s sake.
“I’m going to take the kids to the pool. Get some rest.”
And then he wraps a towel around his waist and leaves me standing there wearing nothing but shame and fear.
Mick
I stop outside the bathroom door and wait, almost hoping she’ll follow me. If she does, I’ll have no choice but to take her fast and hard against the wall. I adjust the towel, because I feel like my balls are trying to crawl up my throat. I have never, ever felt like this before. I’ve never been this turned on.
What’s sad is that she has no idea how much sheer willpower it took for me to turn her down. She was naked right in front of me, with her pert breasts up high, and her flat stomach leading down to a thatch of hair that was far from trimmed. It was perfect. Absolute perfection, and I was an idiot for turning her down.
I reach my hand out to turn the knob and go back in, but then I stop. If I go in there, it will be nothing more than what it was two minutes ago. It will be nothing but me getting my rocks off while she pretends that all is right with the world.
I’m sure it would be amazing, and earth-shattering, and it might even be life-changing, but it won’t be real. And I want something that’s real.
I get dressed and open the bedroom door a crack. The two little ones are sleeping and the two older kids are quietly watching TV.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and text my brother as I sit down on the edge of the bed.
Me: Any chance you and Lark could come and help us with the kids?
BestBrotherEver: Nope.
Me: Why not?
BestBrotherEver: Mom said we couldn’t, even if you called and begged and pleaded.
Me: Are you serious?
BestBrotherEver: Yes.
BestBrotherEver: Want to tell me what’s wrong?
Me: No.
BestBrotherEver: Why not? I’ll pretend I don’t have balls and I’ll give you advice. Good advice. Advice you can only get from a woman.
Me: Lark’s with you, huh?
BestBrotherEver: Hi, Mick! It’s Lark. How’s my sister?
Dripping wet in the shower where I just turned down sex with her, I think to myself.