“Did you love him?”
I shake my head. “Looking back at it, I don’t think so. At the time, I thought I did, but it’s nothing like…” My face floods with heat and I let the sentence trail off.
“Nothing like what?” he asks, his face intent.
“Nothing like…this.”
He stares down at me. “What’s this?”
This whole conversation has been taking place in whispers, which makes it feel so intimate that it almost hurts. The hairs on my arms stand up.
“This.” I motion from him to me and back. “It didn’t feel like this.”
“Tell me what this feels like to you.”
“Like a slow burn. Like a campfire that’s just been lit. Like a lighter that’s just waiting to become a torch. Like… I don’t know. I can’t explain it. With Shane, it was instant attraction and then it was gone. We kept on doing what we did because it was what we knew, but not necessarily what we wanted.”
“What did you want?”
“That’s just it. I’m not sure. I want what my parents had. What Emilio and Marta have. What my sisters have with their husbands. But I also want my own story. I don’t want to get swept up in something bigger than me. I’m afraid I’ll get lost.” I wince, and I realize I said all that without looking at him. I finally meet his eyes. “What do you want?” I whisper.
“You,” he says, and he runs the tip of his nose down the side of mine. He kisses the corner of my lips. “Just you.” He lifts my legs so he can slip out from under me. “I’m going to take a shower.”
I nod and reach for my coffee, which has grown tepid. I listen for the shower to turn on, and then I settle Anna and Devon in front of a movie. I tiptoe toward the bathroom and debate with myself about what I should do. I lock the bedroom door and take off all my clothes. Then I quietly open the bathroom door and slip inside. My heart is in my throat as I slide back the shower curtain.
Mick is rinsing the soap from his hair when I step in behind him. He freezes, and his back muscles twitch when I lay my hand on his skin. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“I don’t want to be like smoke anymore. I want to be someone you can hold on to.”
Suddenly, he spins around, grabs me, and pulls me against him. His hand slides up the back of my neck until he sinks his fingers into my hair, holding tightly. He tugs until I look up at him. “Is this some kind of joke to you?” he asks.
“No,” I rush to say.
“Then stop playing,” he growls as he pushes me back against the shower wall.
“I’m not playing.”
“Yes, you are. You’re playing with my fucking heart and I love you enough that I don’t want to walk away.”
“You love me?” I squeak out.
He presses his hips against mine, his dick hot and hard against my belly. “I’m in this. I’ve been in it since it started. But I feel like I’ve been dragging you along with me.”
“I’m not being dragged.”
He presses his lips to my neck as his hips rock against mine. “What do you want?”
“Just you.”
“For how long?”
“I-I…I don’t know.”
He lets me go so quickly that I almost fall to the floor of the shower. Cool air surrounds me where his heat used to be.
“What are you doing?” I ask as he opens the curtain and steps out.
“I’m going to take Anna and Devon to the pool for a couple of hours. Check-out is at ten, so I’ll be back by then. Why don’t you try to get some sleep? It’ll be another long day of driving.” His voice is cold, his words quick and sharp like knives.