I don’t think so.
“A SEXUAL VARIANT”
New York is a place where people come to fulfill their fantasies. Money. Power. A spot on the David Letterman show. And while you’re at it, why not two women? (And why not ask?) Maybe everyone should try it at least once.
“Of all the fantasies, it’s the only one that exceeds expectations,” said a photographer I know. “Mostly, life is a series of mild disappointments. But two women? No matter what happens, you can’t lose.”
That isn’t exactly true, as I discovered later. But the three-some is one fantasy at which New Yorkers seem to excel. As one male friend of mine said, “It’s a sexual variant as opposed to sexually deviant.” Another option in a city of options. Or is there a darker side to threesomes: Are they a symptom of all that’s wrong with New York, a product of that combination of desperation and desire particular to Manhattan?
Either way, everyone has a story. They’ve done it, know someone who did, or saw three people about to do it—like those two “top models” who recently pulled a male model into the men’s room at Tunnel, forced him to consume all his drugs, and then took him home.
A ménage à trois involves that trickiest of all relationship numbers: three. No matter how sophisticated you think you are, can you really handle it? Who gets hurt? Are three really better than two?
Lured perhaps by the promise of free drinks, free joints, and free honey-roasted peanuts, seven men joined me on a recent Monday evening in the basement of a SoHo art gallery to talk about threesomes. There we found the photographer and 1980 ladies’ man Peter Beard on his hands and knees. He was “collaging”: painting shapes on some of his black-and-white animal photographs. Some of the photos had rust-colored footprints on them, and I remembered I had heard Peter was using his own blood. He was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.
Peter is a sort of “wild man,” about whom one hears stories. Like: He was married to 1970s superbabe Cheryl Tiegs (true); that once, in Africa, he was hogtied and nearly fed to some animals (probably not true). He said he would work while we talked. “I’m just doing work all the time,” Peter said. “Just to ward off boredom.”
Everyone made cocktails, and then we lit the first joint. Except for Peter, the men asked me to change their names for this article. “Using our real names wouldn’t be good for our client base,” said one.
We launched into the topic of discussion.
“It’s an avalanche right now,” Peter said. “I know some girls, one of whom I’m meeting tonight, who says that over 90 percent of her girlfriends have propositioned her. This is definitely a new phenomenon.”
Peter dipped his brush in the red paint. The modeling industry, he said, seemed to be grooming women for three-somes. “Agents and bookers are pushing favors from the girls to get them bookings.” Then he added, “All the models are getting stroked in the loo.”
Tad, forty-one, a golden-boy architect, remained skeptical. “I think the numbers are being kept by the government census bureau.” But he went on. “Women physically represent more sensuality and more beauty,” he said. “So it’s easier for a man to fantasize about two women together. Two men together is kind of a dry fantasy.”
Peter looked up from his spot on the floor. “Women can sleep in the same bed, and no one thinks anything about it,” he said.
“We applaud it,” said Simon, forty-eight, the owner of a software company.
“It’s very unlikely any of us would sleep in the same bed with each other. I just wouldn’t do it,” said Jonesie, forty-eight, an East Coast–based record executive. He looked around.
“The reason men don’t do it is because most other men snore,” said Peter. “Plus, it’s not good for the nervous system.”
“It brings up all kinds of deep-rooted fears,” said Simon. There was a moment of silence while we looked around the room.
Peter broke the tension. “The underground reality of this is the biological rat studies,” he said. “Density, stress, and the overcrowding of the niche structures. The first phenomenon of overcrowded rats is the separation of the sexes. And in this city, with all the lawyers and all the overcrowded niche structures, you have incredible pressure. Pressure fucks up the hormones; when the hormones are screwed up, there are more homosexuals; and homosexuality is nature’s way of cutting down on population. All of these unnatural things we’re talking about exponentially expand.”
“That sums it all up,” Tad said dryly.
“We’re leading sensory-saturated lives,” Peter said. “High density. Intensity. Millions of appointments. Millions of lawyer appointments. A simple thing is no longer fun. Now you have to have two or three girls, or exotic strippers at Pure Platinum.”
“On the other hand, the reason to have multiple sex partners could just be curiosity,” said Tad. “Without being overly analytical.”
But Peter was on a roll. “How about insincerity?” he demanded. “There’s less sincerity and less honesty. If you’re really attracted to a girl, you don’t want another girl. But nowadays, there is less sincerity.”
“That might be,” Jonesie said cautiously.
“When you meet people in New York, all you get is their bullshit,” said Peter, not noticing that his paintbrushes were drying out. “You get all their stuff they tell you at parties. You get the same damn thing at these dinner parties until you just stop going.”
“You cut down,” Jonesie agreed.
“And you go into the bathroom, and you get a blow job from someone in the fashion industry,” Peter said. There was a brief and, if I’m not mistaken, awed silence. Then more Peter: “It’s not reality. It’s not communicating. It’s not sincere. It’s just a moment in their stress-ridden lives.”
“And I thought I just wanted to get laid,” Tad said.
E-LOVE IN VAIN