Nate and me, we need to talk.
“So where’s your old man?” Nate asks. He’s been talking non-stop, mouth full and all, desperate to fill in every stretch of silence. “No wait, that’d be your dad, so… If this is your granddad we’re talking about, does it make it your ultra-old man? Anyway, he always seems to be hanging around, so what’s up today, huh? And your sister?”
I shove the pancakes in front of him. “Less talking, more eating.”
“I’ve never really met your granddad,” Sydney says, licking syrup from her fingers, distracting me for a few precious seconds.
“You’re not missing anything,” Nate says, dragging two more pancakes into his plate. Christ, and I thought I ate like a black hole. He puts me to shame. “He’s a bitter old man. Ultra-old.”
“He’s taken my sis to New Haven today,” I mutter.
“New Haven?” The tines of Nate’s fork clank on the plate as he stabs a piece of pancake. “What for?”
“It’s his hometown. Wanted to show her around.”
His mouth flattens. “Has he ever taken you?”
I shrug, pretending not to care. “I was too busy to go.”
“Because you take care of the apartment, and them, and still you have to go to school and also try to make money mowing lawns, and—”
“Enough.” I don’t realize I’ve slammed my hand down on the table, until the pain of the impact spreads up my shoulder, a searing flame. “Enough,” I say more quietly.
Then I get up and stalk outside of the kitchen because I don’t know how to continue from here, which words to speak and which to keep to myself.
That I’m fucking glad he took her? That I wish they’d both stay there and not come back? What sort of person does that make me? The two people who’ve raised me, my only family.
Reaching the staircase, I stop and double back, then pace back and forth, clenching and unclenching my hands. Christ, I’m fucked in the head. I don’t know what’s going on inside my fucked-up brain. I don’t know—
“West.” Slim arms circle my waist, stopping my progress. “Stop.”
Sydney’s wrapped around me like a warm cloud, her cheek resting on my chest, her soft curves cushioning me from the world.
Lifting my arms, I return the hug and pull her against me, fighting the urge to tell her everything. To show her how weak I am, how I can’t handle things. How fucking bad I need her.
I pull away reluctantly. “We should go back.”
“Are you okay?” She doesn’t move far, her hands resting on my hips, her gaze locked on my face.
“Yeah.”
“Are you having nightmares again? You can talk to me, you know.”
“No, I…” I grab the back of my neck. “Fuck, how do you know about the nightmares?”
Her gaze dips. “Nate told me. Sorry.”
“No, it’s… it’s okay.”
Only it really is not.
“Have you thought about giving the school counselor a go? She’s quite nice.”
“Hell no. Nate went and what did he gain, huh?”
“Nate went? What for?” She sucks in a quick breath. “Please tell me the truth. The bruises on Nate, are they from your sparring?”
“Yeah,” I say, and hate myself for lying.