I manage to gather my thoughts enough to tell her the name of a small coffee shop not far from home and then she disconnects and I’m left staring into the void, my heart slamming inside my chest, my hands clammy.
I just can’t believe she’s back. That she called… that she acts as if nothing happened, as if these three years she was out of my life, out of reach, don’t matter. I had to go through life alone, pretend I had a parent around, sign my own reports and take care of myself.
And now she waltzes back in as if it’s the most natural thing in the world?
Worse still, I want to see her. My heart aches for her hug. She’s my mom. No matter what, she’ll always be my mom.
Butterflies swarm and tumble and explode in my stomach as I call Nate, telling him what happened, and then West. They both sound incredulous and incensed on my behalf, but it’s all distant—their voices, their reactions.
I’m still in shock.
They both offered to come with me to meet my mom, and I’ve accepted. Not having them by my side never crossed my mind.
I turn that over in my head as I grab some lunch and head to my afternoon job. I kept the ice cream parlor position when I realized my new job wasn’t enough for the rent, all the expenses and putting something on the side. Since mom left me, I’ve had to graduate to thinking like an adult, to thinking ahead.
I grew up without her, matured. Discovered things about myself. What I fear, what I love. Found my own family, fought for them.
It takes a while, but anger finally cuts through the haze, clearing it. Sure, I’m still shaky, still excited, still full of questions. But the pain lessens as fury warms me up from the inside.
Until that emotion crashes again and leaves me in shambles.
Betty, my new co-worker is going on and on about her upcoming wedding, and it’s frankly driving me up the wall. Thank God I leave work early to make the appointment with my mom.
Mom.
God, this is so weird. Emotions clash inside me. I’m still angry, but also sad, and wistful, and happy, and guilty—because I never went to declare her missing. I know it was because for the first months I believed she was coming back, like always, and then… Then I decided she’d walked away for good.
Again the difference between my feelings toward her and Kash strikes me. When mom vanished, I was pretty sure she had just decided to live without me, but Kash… From the start I knew in my heart that he hadn’t left voluntarily.
I went and told the police of our theory, by the way. They didn’t mock me. They said they’d look into it. But I don’t want to hope.
And yeah, it’s so weird. Like I know both Mom and Kash so well, and I know which one of them really cares. Which may be harsh. After all, I still haven’t heard Mom’s side of the story. You never know. She may have valid reasons. Heck, what if she was kidnapped and was just released? What if she was in an accident and lost her memory and only just…
Nah.
Let’s be realistic, shall we? Real life is a crazy bitch, but Mom didn’t call and tell me how much she missed me, or that she came back the moment she could. This is Mom. She’s selfish, something I tried not to think about for years.
Still. Can’t know for sure until I meet her.
Nate has the car today, and I’m so lost in thought as I board the bus and head home that I don’t notice anything and anyone around me. At my stop, I climb out of the bus, randomly thinking that West said something about the future the other day. That he and Nate have plans for the future.
We have plans for the future, and that thought melts some of my anger and confusion.
And that’s when I see Kash.
I mean, I see someone who looks vaguely like Kash crouched in front of a store, hood over his head, arms folded over his chest.
It can’t be him, but… but I think I catch a glimpse of his face, and it looks like him, piercings and pale eyes and all.
Before I can second guess myself more, I start toward him—but people step in front of me, coming out of the bus, going into different directions, hiding him from view
And when I manage to fight my way through them and reach the store front, he’s not there.
Am I seeing things again? Am I losing it?
My pulse hammering in my throat, I turn around and make myself walk away before I abandon the last shred of my sanity.
The boys are waiting for me outside the coffee shop, talking about something. They fall silent, turning to me and smiling when I approach.