s. With me. “I’m sorry, X. I’ve been a lousy brother.”
He gives a sharp bark of laughter. “No, you weren’t, you dipshit. It wasn’t you.”
“It wasn’t me, what?” I can barely hold on to my calm. Hearing his voice after all this time doesn’t fucking feel real.
“The problem. You weren’t the problem,” he says patiently.
He has to be patient. I’ve waited to hear news of his death all this time. Still trying to wrap my head around the fact he’s alive and well and cracking fucking jokes.
Jesus.
“You stayed with friends, I heard? A girl.”
“Ryan talked to you about that, huh?”
Ryan. My heart gives a painful lurch. “He did.”
“Ameera only wanted to help me. I thought if I holed up someplace and went cold turkey, I’d get off the shit.” He’s silent for a few beats. “I did meth. Lots of it. Getting off it wasn’t easy. Couldn’t do it. She talked me into going into rehab.”
Like I tried to convince you a thousand times? I wanna yell into the phone. Like I tried to help you, only to be called a selfish asshole and a dick?
Why couldn’t you fucking come to me for help?
I sigh, shifting on the sofa, trying to find a position that doesn’t hurt too much. “I’m glad you did, man. Glad she talked you into it. What do the docs there say? When will you be out?”
“It takes a few weeks. It’s a set program. I’ve met some people, made friends.”
My hackles rise, and I tell myself to cool down. Yeah, the people he’s met there are addicts. Like he is. They’re trying to shake off the habit. Like he is.
No, it doesn’t mean they’ll drag each other back down into the mud, but hell if I’m not ready to head over right now and haul Xavier home with me, kicking and screaming.
I want to protect him.
Yeah, and look how well that has worked out so far.
“How’s Mom?” he asks, and I rub at my leg harder. Time for more painkillers.
“She’s fine.” I think about this. “Said she’ll file for a divorce.”
“She did?”
His obvious surprise matches what I feel. That was the first shock of the day, talking to her on the phone. But something inside me has relaxed, hearing it.
“I think it’s for the best. Dad loves her, but—”
“Hell yeah, it’s for the best.”
The vehemence in his voice is unexpected. “Yeah.”
“Sometimes…things don’t work out. Between people, I mean. You have to follow your instincts. Your heart, you know?”
I lean my head back. I don’t know, no. My heart tells me Ryan should be with Brylee and me, closing the circle. That I need him as much as I need her, and that he needs us, too. I thought he did.
But I was wrong.
“X, I’m sorr—”
“Shut up, Rid,” he says gruffly. “I told you, it wasn’t your fault. I was angry. Didn’t know how to fix Mom and Dad, how to fix myself.” He seems to chew on his words. “I didn’t want you to see me the way I was. Weak. So fucking weak, Rid. I had to get out of that hole on my own.”