Falling.
He’s slumped back on the sofa, his arm around my shoulders, and Riddick’s around him. The way Riddick is holding him… it’s so tender. So touching. it makes me love him more. Love them both.
How can I be in love with them both?
No way, right? It’s just that I’m moved easily. By pain. By sorrow. By beauty hiding barbs and blood.
And these boys sure are pretty. Pretty, and sexy, and so hurt inside, and… I don’t know what in the world I’m doing with them.
My confidence is mostly a front. It’s something I work at. I make myself strong in the face of adversity. I force myself to keep going. It’s what saved me as a kid, and what has kept me on track every time something went wrong.
When Dad abandoned us.
When the doctors said I was going to die.
When Mom broke down and came close to killing herself.
When the money ran out, and there wasn’t enough for the treatment.
I thought of the future and didn’t give up. I thought this was a case of the same. That determination would be enough, but I didn’t count on feelings.
Didn’t count on these boys.
I had a plan, true. I kept at it long after it fell through. I mean, where’s the manual on guys and how to choose the right one for you?
And now…
“You sure you’re okay?” Riddick asks, his hand on Ryan’s nape, fingers slipping into the short, silky hair there. “You scared us, man.”
Ryan nods, green eyes hooded, ringed with black, his jaw still bruised from whatever fight it was he had a few days back. He looks exhausted. He has been working like a madman. Office rumor has it that he’s been working long after hours, and weekends.
Could also explain why I barely saw him this past week. To be honest, I had hoped he’d seek me out, explain himself. I’d hoped, but couldn’t be sure I was right. About him. About the façade.
Sometimes the façade is all there is. Sometimes what you see is what you get, like Riddick said.
And I still don’t know for sure. I know I’m in love, but is that wise?
Riddick’s fingers have moved to the top of Ryan’s head, petting the soft, pale strands. “You’re still too pale. I don’t like this. You should have let us tell the nurse what happened.”
“It was nothing.” Ryan looks at me with those green-gold eyes, his hold on me tightening. “I’m so happy you’re okay, Bry.”
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“You were scared,” Riddick mutters, as if just realizing.
“Fuck yeah, I was scared.” Gruff. Raw. “People die in the hospitals. When they call you to go there, it’s too late. Too fucking late, Jesus…”
Riddick growls, startling me, and hauls Ryan closer to him. Is he thinking what I’m thinking, that Ryan’s talking about the day his mom died?
I wrap my other arm around Ryan’s hard middle and rest my cheek on his shoulder. “I’m fine. Stop worrying.”
Falling for them both wasn’t my plan. My plan was to make Ryan see I’m the best wife for him and not let Riddick close.
Instead here I am, cuddling both of them, my heart in my throat, my thoughts a mess. How do I untangle myself?
And on the heels of that thought, comes another, more troubling one:
Do I even want to?