“And what about the other guy, in the Camaro? Does he want a fucking rematch?”
“He won’t be asking for a rematch,” Duane says quietly. “That fucktard is lucky if he’s alive with that hit he took. Speaking of which, I’m outta here, and so should you. Ambulance is on the way.”
Kayla’s face is white as a sheet. She looks like she wants to grab my hand and drag me away but is struggling not to.
“Tomorrow,” I say, because I need that fucking money, even if it’s killing me.
Pocketing the cash Duane gave me, I take Kayla’s hand and lead the way to Kayla’s car. She says nothing when I take the wheel, only sitting in the passenger seat, trembling.
She says nothing when I drive to the trailer park, when I tell her to wait, and I go give the money to my mom to pay the bills.
I don’t know what to say, either. I understand. Never had so much to lose. Never had Kayla.
But now I do, and the fear keeps riding me whenever I think of racing again. The Camaro crashing through the barrier and hitting the wall is playing on a loop in my mind.
It could have been me. It sure as hell could have been me, and I’m going back for more. That’s all I can think of as I drive back to Madison. The moment I froze in panic. The moment that could have ended my life.
What if it happens again?
***
It’s not until I’ve parked on my street that I realize I never asked Kayla if she’d rather go to her place. If she’d like to be alone.
If she changed her mind.
I turn to her, the question catching in my throat when she looks at me with her eyes full of sadness.
I’m hurting her, goddammit. “Kay.”
“I don’t want you doing this again. I…” She presses her lips together, and I want so badly to hug her. “I know I have no right to ask you to stop. I know this is about your mom and everything, but the thought of anything happening to you…”
She doesn’t finish. Tears are sliding down her cheeks, shining blue in the faint light of streetlamps.
I touch one, wipe it off her smooth cheek. “Nothing happened. I’m here. I’m okay. Kay, if you want out… I understand. That’s what I was trying to tell you last night, why I wasn’t asking you to be mine. If this is too much, I’ll understand.”
She has other worries to think about, as well. Her sister, for instance.
“Too much?” More tears spill. “Don’t you get it? I fought it, but I can’t stop myself from loving you. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. I’m scared for you. Of losing you before I even know what it’s like to be with you.”
For me. These tears are for me.
My phone is ringing in my pocket, but I ignore it. Unbuckling my belt, I reach over to unbuckle hers, and then I draw her into my arms. I pet her hair, kiss it, stroke her back until she calms down. She loves me. She’s not leaving me. She cares for me.
And I fucking love her.
What the hell am I gonna do?
***
Someone is waiting outside my apartment door. I don’t immediately see him, caught up in the feel of Kayla’s arms around my waist as we trudge warily down the dim landing.
He steps away from the wall, and the harsh overhead light catches on his bleached hair and the sparkly top he has on. “Ocean.”
“Jason?” I blink at him, kinda dazed. Hey, it’s been a long day. “What are you doing here?”
“I didn’t mean to disturb you.” He glances at Kayla, then back at me. “Looks like I
chose a bad moment.”