He told me what went down on Monday at Damage. What Zane said. What they decided to do. He refused to tell me exactly what those men had done to Zane when he was young, not wanting to horrify me.
But I know. I can imagine, and my heart aches as much as my stomach twists and churns at the thought.
Asher settles Scott in the crook of his arm and rocks him back and forth. “Rafe’s gonna ask Evangeline what Zane can do, but we think he can just ask for his files from social services.”
Ev is the girlfriend of Micah, one of the Damage Boyz that Zane took in from the streets and an inker at the shop. She works with the National Runaway Safeline and knows lots of people working in the social services.
“I’ll ask Mom what she thinks we should do,” I mutter. Mom also works for the Safeline. She’s the one that got Ev the job. “I’ll call her.”
“Wasn’t she on a trip?”
“Yeah. Should be back tonight.”
I could have called her, of course, from the start. It’s not like she doesn’t carry her cell phone with her wherever she goes, especially with her job and even more so since she became a grandma.
But this trip isn’t a business trip. She finally met someone she seems to care for, and I wanted her to have fun. God knows she deserves it. My mom is great, and even though we had our falling out over Ash back when he and I first got back together, she turned herself around, apologized to him and became our support, our parent.
“You haven’t told her yet, have you?” Ash smirks at me. He knows me too well.
I shake my head. Haven’t told her about the baby yet. I’m sure she’ll be delighted.
Pretty sure. See, Mom wants me to finish college, find a job I like. And I want that, too, but there’s no doubt whatsoever in my mind, and in my heart, that I’m overjoyed to have another baby.
Another baby with Ash.
So I’ve been putting it off, not wanting to be told anything negative, not while I’m floating on this pink fluffy cloud of joy. I don’t want anything marring this beautiful time, anything putting out the bright light in Ash’s eyes.
Especially not when he’s already worried about Zane, just like I am. We need all the positive energy we can get.
***
“This sucks,” Erin says, flipping through the wedding magazines I brought with me. Her eyes are a bit red, like she’s cried recently. “Tyler told me what Zane said, and God… how can I have shared an apartment with him, seen him struggle with those awful nightmares and not known about his childhood? It makes me feel…” She pushes the magazine away, throws her hands up in the air and her face crumbles a little. “Like a really bad friend, you know?
“You had Jax keeping you busy at the time.” I stroke circles on her back. “Keeping you worried, him and your mom who was sick—and then Tyler appeared out of nowhere and—”
“Doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“You couldn’t have known, girl. For all’s worth, I didn’t know, either. None of us knew, except Dakota, and then Ash. They were the only people he told, and even then, he never gave details. Stop beating yourself up over that.”
“She’s right,” Megan says, her tanned face a bit drawn. “We should focus on the future and on how to help.”
“And how can we help?” Erin whispers, wiping at her eyes. “Besides going with the boys to check out the house where Zane might have lived back then, and the area around the Walmart Supercenter to see if we spot the car?” She glances at baby Isa who’s asleep in her travel crib. “I feel we should put off the weddings, forget about all this crap.” She waves at the magazines. “I don’t feel like planning anything while Zane is unwell, and this whole horrible situation is unresolved.”
She may be right. It’s not like I feel like organizing wedding bands and deciding on the catering service at this point.
“We can’t stop living, guys.” Megan’s son, little Zane, is blinking at us from his travel crib on the sofa beside her with his mother’s dark eyes. She reaches over and strokes his light curls. “Besides, maybe the wedding will help Zane. Remind him we’re all by his side. That he’s fine now, no matter what he remembers, no matter what he went through. That now is the time to be happy and celebrate life.”
God, she’s right, too.
Plus, the weddings are just around the corner. We’re just putting the finishing touches on the tables and decoration right now. The wedding gowns are ready, designed and sewn by Ocean’s girlfriend, Kayla, who’s getting to be more and more known for her creations. The venue has been booked, the menu decided on, the invitations have been sent out.
Erin and I exchange a dubious look. “Tyler thinks Zane’s mind might have made part of those memories up,” she says, and it’s obvious she’s trying to believe it, to convince herself that her best friend didn’t go through one of the worst things that could happen to a child. “I Googled it. Memory is more unreliable than we think. It could be… could be that he wasn’t abused that way. But…”
“But he was hurt in some way,” I finish for her. “And something brought those memories back to the surface.”
“It means we may not find anything. He only remembers a first name, and isn’t even sure of that. Or the area. Or the year.”
Hell. She’s right. Ash told me he’s afraid of that, too.