A wave of fierce protectiveness washes over me, followed by a tide of need so strong it makes every muscle in my body clench and my dick harden.
Fuck me, I want this girl. I want her for myself, wanted her all along. All my reasons for letting her go those years back seem weak and stupid now. Nothing can be more important than being with her. Nothing feels as good, as right. Funny how I was scared of losing her—when I was the one pushing her away, never giving this thing between us a chance.
Tessa stands up, hands tucked under her armpits, her gaze dark. “Thank you,” she tells the officer in her soft voice that sends thrills down my spine and makes my heart beat just a little bit faster.
“Tess…” I try to catch her gaze. “Come home with me.”
“Home.” Her voice goes even softer, and her expression closes down, turning her small face into an impassive mask. She keeps her arms wrapped around herself, as if she’s cold, although it’s warm inside the station.
“Please tell me what’s wrong. Is it because of that fucker?” My hand falls to my side, clenching into a fist. “Did he hurt you in some other way?”
“No, Dylan, it’s not that.” She sighs. “I’m tired of this, of being in your arms one second and out in the cold the next. I can’t trust that any good moment with you will last.”
I want to kick the wall again and again, until I break through it, through this dead-end.
“Tess… I shouldn’t love you, you know?” I scrub a hand over my face, wondering if I even make sense at this point. “So many things I shouldn’t do.”
“What do you mean?” she whispers.
Fuck. I’m wracking my brain for a reply, when Ash and Audrey step between us.
“Ready to roll, girl?” he asks, and a glint in his eye tells me I should stand down now or find myself flat on my back.
“I’m ready,” Tessa says.
“Then let’s go,” Audrey says, lacing her arm through Tessa’s and drawing her away from me.
Tessa can’t trust me anymore. I can see why. But I have to change her mind, although I sure as hell don’t know how.
She glances back over her shoulder as they reach the door. “I’ll pick up Miles,” she says. “I’m not letting him down.”
Like I let her down.
I kick the wall once again, for good measure, glare at the police officer, who looks about to say something, and stalk out of the room.
Dammit. That was a royal screw up, Dylan. Great job. Took years in the making.
Now pick up the fucking pieces, if you can.
***
A leaden blanket is draped on my shoulders, pressing down, and the fog is back, making thoughts sluggish. My joints hurt like an old guy’s, and I pop another Advil. I wonder, as I move around the gym, checking that everyone is doing their exercises correctly and nobody is injured, why the hell I feel so shitty.
But I don’t have time to spend feeling sorry for myself. After work, I promised Coach West I’d talk to him again, and then I need to go home and make dinner, make sure my brothers bathe and get their ice cream and watch their cartoons… The work is never over.
Tessa…
I haven’t seen her in two days—ever since that night at the police station. Ever since she walked away with Audrey and Ash, after telling me she couldn’t follow me.
I respect her for not just taking me back like that. For not taking whatever scraps I finally threw her way. She deserves so much better than that. So much better than me.
Things could go south once again. Teo gets sick quite often. Miles might get bullied again, or Dad needs attention whenever he returns home. I might run out of money or lose my job. I’m not who she needs.
Get off your high horse, I can almost hear Asher’s voice in my head. You don’t know what she needs. What she’ll do.
Mom walked away. Doesn’t mean Tessa will. Take a risk. For Tessa. For yourself. Trust her, and make her trust you. Give it a try.
I haven’t let myself hope in so long I’ve almost forgotten how it feels to close your eyes and jump in with both feet.