Cold seeps into my chest. “What are you talking about? It’s not that.” It’s me. My secrets. My indecisions.
“We’re all addicted to something or someone,” Rafe mutters and disconnects, leaving me staring at my cell screen.
Can’t really argue with that. Not when I know I’m addicted to Tyler Devlin.
***
At night, I stare at the glowing stars on my ceiling. Fake, not real. I think I can smell Tyler, feel his warmth next to me. Phantom sensations.
I miss him so much it feels as if I have a hole in my chest. Why am I hesitating? If I’m worried about him not being worth the try, then why am I even thinking it? If I believe I’ll lose him over Jax, then what good is he?
I have to tell him. It’s not as if my heart will harden if I wait a few more days. And if he believes I’m disgusted by the panic attacks and his past, then…
What are you doing, Erin? What are you waiting for?
I turn on the light and pick up my cell phone. Midnight. Chances are Tyler is asleep—or maybe not…
‘You awake?’ I type.
The reply comes seconds later. ‘Yes. Wanna go for a ride?’
‘A ride where?’ I type and wait.
Two seconds later I get a reply. ‘Anywhere you want.’
Trying not to read more into the simple words, I type back, ‘Sure. When?’
‘Be there in 5.’
My heart is beating way too fast, and my legs tremble. Joy floods my mind at the thought of seeing him again. I jump up and open my closet. I stare at the sweaters, pants, skirts and blouses, and my mind goes blank.
How will I break the news to him? Just blurt it out? Ask him if he likes children first? Isn’t that lame?
I sigh as I put on my trusty old jeans and long black sweater and pull my hair back in a ponytail. Dive headfirst, girl. With Tyler, that’s the only way.
***
The helmet is heavy, and the cold pierces my jacket, but nothing can pry my arms from around Tyler. My gloved hands are splayed on his muscled stomach, and I’m pressed to his broad back as we ride through the night.
He takes us along Waunona Way by the lake and stops right on the shore. The breeze blowing over the water is frigid, and we stand among houses and gardens. He waits until I climb off his bike and take off the helmet before he does the same. Then he grabs my hand and leads me right to the water’s edge.
It’s quite dark out here. The house lights are off. A street lamp gives some light. The sky is relatively clear, full of stars—the real deal, not the fake ones on my bedroom ceiling. I haven’t looked at the sky in years. God, it’s so beautiful.
We stand hand in hand for a while, looking out at the lake.
“Have you been okay?” I finally ask, because it’s been on my mind, despite Rafe’s reassurances.
He nods and turns toward me, pulling on my arms until they rest around his neck. I don’t resist. His presence warms me like the sun, and it feels good to be pressed to his hard body and to see his beloved face.
I wonder why he’s brought us here. I wait for him to speak.
“Ask me,” he says, and it takes me a moment to process his words.
“About what?”
“Anything you want. Enough secrets, enough hiding. Ask and I will answer.”
I stare at him. I didn’t expect this. I’m the one who was supposed to be talking tonight. “Anything?”