“He will probably wear his dark blue suit. The one he always wears.”
“He’s not wearing a tux?”
“No. It’s not like it’s his wedding, Eddie.”
“The invitation says white tie, Cecilia.”
“It’s Singapore, Eddie, and no one there takes those things seriously. Singaporean men have no style, and I guarantee you half the men won’t even be in suits—they’ll all be wearing those ghastly untucked batik shirts.”
“I think you’re mistaken, Cecilia. It’s Colin Khoo and Araminta Lee’s wedding—all of high society will be there and everyone will be dressed to impress.”
“Well, you go right ahead, Eddie.”
Fucky fuck, Eddie thought. His whole family was going to show up looking like peasants. So bloody typical. He wondered if he could convince Colin to change his seating so that he didn’t have to be anywhere near his parents and siblings.
“Do you know what Mummy and Daddy are wearing?”
“Believe it or not, Eddie, I don’t.”
“Well—we still need to color coordinate as a family, Cecilia. There’s going to be a lot of press there, and I want to make sure we don’t clash. Just be sure you don’t wear anything gray to the main event. Fiona is wearing a gray Jil Sander ball gown. And she’s wearing a deep lavender Lanvin dress to the rehearsal dinner, and a champagne-colored Carolina Herrera to the church ceremony. Can you call Mummy and tell her?”
“Sure, Eddie.”
“Do you need me to SMS you the color scheme again?”
“Sure. Whatever. I have to go now, Eddie. Jake is having another nosebleed.”
“Oh, I almost forgot. What is Jake going to wear? My boys will all be wearing Ralph Lauren tuxedos with dark purple cummerbunds—”
“Eddie, I really have to go. Don’t worry, Jake is not going to wear a tuxedo. I’ll be lucky if I can get him to tuck in his shirt.”
“Wait, wait, before you go, have you talked to Alistair yet? He’s not still thinking of bringing that Kitty Pong, is he?”
“Too late. Alistair left yesterday.”
“What? No one told me he was planning to go early.”
“He was always planning to leave on Friday, Eddie. If you kept up with us more, you’d know that.”
“But why did he go to Singapore so soon?”
“He didn’t go to Singapore. He went to Macau for Colin’s bachelor party.”
“WHAAAT? Colin’s bachelor party is this weekend? Who the hell invited Alistair to his bachelor party?”
“Do you really need me to answer that?”
“But Colin is better friends with ME!” Eddie screamed, the pressure building in his head. And then he felt a strange draft from behind. His pants had split open at the ass.
* * *
* Cantonese for “Did you make a mistake?.”
† Cantonese for “how beautiful.”
‡ Cantonese for “no need to be so polite.”
§ Cantonese for “What are you saying?” or, better yet, “What the hell are you talking about?”