“You sounded . . . I don’t know. Burn it, woman, you sounded jealous.”
Would he never learn? “Perrin,” she said flatly. “It took me the better part of a year—not to mention considerable trouble—to seduce you, and then it only worked because there was a marriage involved! Berelain hasn’t the skill to handle you.”
He reached his right hand up, scratching his beard, seeming confused. Then he just smiled.
“Besides,” she added, snuggling closer, “you spoke the words. And I trust you.”
“So you’re not jealous?”
“Of course I am,” she said, swatting his chest. “Perrin, haven’t I explained this? A husband needs to know his wife is jealous, otherwise he won’t realize how much she cares for him. You guard that which you find most precious. Honestly, if you keep making me spell things out like this, then I won’t have any secrets left!”
He snorted softly at that last comment. “I doubt that’s possible.”
He grew quiet, and she closed her eyes, hoping he’d go back to sleep. Outside the tent, she could hear the distant voices of guards chatting on patrol and the sound of one of the farriers—Jerasid, Aemin or Falton—working late into the night, pounding out a shoe or nail to ready one of the horses for the next day’s march. It was good to hear that sound again. The Aiel were useless when it came to horses, and the Shaido had either released the ones they captured or turned them into workhorses. She had seen many fine saddle mares pulling carts during her days in Malden.
Should it feel strange to be back? She had spent less than two months as a captive, but it had seemed like years. Years spent running errands for Sevanna, being punished arbitrarily. But that time had not broken her. Strangely, she’d felt more like a noblewoman during those days than she had before.
It was as if she hadn’t quite understood what it was to be a lady until Malden. Oh, she’d had her share of victories. Cha Faile, the people of the Two Rivers, Alliandre and Perrin’s camp members. She’d put her training to use, helping Perrin learn to be a leader. All of this had been important, had required her to use what her mother and father had trained her to be.
But Malden had opened her eyes. There, she had found people who had needed her more than she’d ever been needed before. Beneath Sevanna’s cruel dictatorship, there had been no time for games, no room for mistakes. She had been humiliated, beaten and nearly killed. And that had given her a true understanding of what it was to be a liege lady. She actually felt a stab of guilt for the times she had lorded over Perrin, trying to force him—or others—to bend to her will. Being a noblewoman meant going first. It meant being beaten so others were not. It meant sacrificing, risking death, to protect those who depended upon you.
No, it didn’t feel strange to be back, for she’d taken Malden—the parts that mattered—with her. Hundreds had sworn allegiance to her among the gai’shain, and she had saved them. She had done it through Perrin, but she had made plans, and one way or another, she would have escaped and brought back an army to free those who had sworn to her.
There had been costs. But she would deal with those later tonight, Light willing. She opened an eye and peeked at Perrin. He seemed to be sleeping, but was his breath even? She slipped her arm free.
“I don’t care what happened to you,” he said.
She sighed. No, not asleep. “What happened to me?” she asked with confusion.
He opened his eyes, staring up at the tent. “The Shaido, the man who was with you when I saved you. Whatever he did . . . whatever you did to survive. It’s all right.”
Was that what was bothering him? Light! “You big ox,” she said, thumping a fist on his chest, causing him to grunt. “What are you saying? That it would be all right for me to be unfaithful? Just after you were so concerned to tell me that you hadn’t been?”
“What? No, it’s different, Faile. You were a prisoner, and—”
“And I can’t care for myself? You are an ox. No one touched me. They’re Aiel. You know they wouldn’t dare harm a gai’shain.” It wasn’t quite true; women had often been abused in the Shaido camp, for the Shaido had stopped acting like Aiel.
But there had been others in the camp, Aiel who hadn’t been Shaido. Men who had refused to accept Rand as their Car’a’carn, but who also had trouble accepting Shaido authority. The Brotherless had been men of honor; though they’d called themselves cast off, they had been the only ones in Malden who had maintained the old ways. When the gai’shain women had started to be in danger, the Brotherless had chosen and protected those they could. They hadn’t asked anything for their efforts.
Well . . . that wasn’t true. They had asked for much, but had demanded nothing. Rolan had always been an Aiel to her in action, if not in word. But, like Masema’s d
eath, her relationship with Rolan was not something Perrin needed to know about. She had never so much as kissed Rolan, but she had used his desire for her as an advantage. And she suspected that he’d known what she was doing.
Perrin had killed Rolan. That was another reason that her husband didn’t need to know about the Brotherless man’s kindness. It would tear Perrin apart inside if he knew what he’d done.
Perrin relaxed, closing his eyes. He had changed during these two months, perhaps as much as she had. That was good. In the Borderlands, her people had a saying: “Only the Dark One stays the same.” Men grew and progressed; the Shadow just remained as it was. Evil.
“We’ll have to do some planning tomorrow,” Perrin said, yawning. “Once gateways are available, we will have to decide whether to force the people to leave, and decide who goes first. Has anyone discovered what happened to Masema?”
“Not that I know of,” she said carefully. “But with so many of his possessions gone from his tent. . . .”
“Masema doesn’t care about possessions,” Perrin mumbled quietly, eyes still closed. “Though maybe he would have taken them to rebuild. I guess he might have run off, though it’s strange that nobody knows where or how.”
“He probably slipped away during the confusion after the battle.”
“Probably,” Perrin agreed. “I wonder . . .” He yawned. “I wonder what Rand will say. Masema was the point of this whole trip. I was to fetch him and bring him back, and I guess I’ve failed.”
“You destroyed the men who were murdering and robbing in the Dragon’s name,” Faile said, “and you cut out the heart of the Shaido leadership, not to mention all you’ve learned about the Seanchan. I think the Dragon will find that what you’ve accomplished here far outweighs not bringing Masema back.”