"Why not?" I asked.
"Oh, I don't know. After both kids were off, Elaine talked about us moving to Monticello into one of those town houses. She'd be closer to the hospital and I'd be closer to the office and the courthouse, being that's the county seat. We wouldn't have to worry about maintenance."
"Why didn't you move then?"
"Can't say. The idea just sort of drifted away, and she had done so much to improve the property. I suppose neither of us wanted to desert it."
"But it has such bad memories," I dared mention.
"Naw. You can't blame the house. It's just a house," he said, smiling. "You haven't seen any of those ghosts people think dwell here, have you?"
"No. I wouldn't be afraid of them if I did," I added, and he laughed.
"I bet you wouldn't."
I wouldn't, I thought. Ghosts were probably as lonely as I was, trapped between two worlds.
He started down the walk to the driveway and then to the road. I followed along. He looked back and gestured with his head for me to catch up. I did, and we started to stroll down the street, walking along quietly. It was a nice day with the sort of sky that seems to be a faded blue, dabbed with starch white puffs of clouds that looked more like smoke from steam. When I was little, my grandfather called those clouds God's breath, comparing them to the little puffs we saw of our own breath on very cold winter days and nights.
We continued walking. The warm breeze stirred the trees, causing the branches to shudder rather than rustle. A small black bird did a little dance on the road and then lifted off and into the forest to disappear in the pockets of darkness. Occasionally, I would see a deer on this road looking bewildered about the strip of macadam in the midst of its natural habitat. There were always lots of rabbits hurrying along as if they were late for a very important date. Once I saw a fox, and my grandfather swore he saw a bobcat. He was walking with his head down now, but he suddenly paused and took a deep breath before looking at me and smiling.
"I wasn't just kidding back there about you losing your baby fat, Alice," he said. "Sometimes, a girl--or a boy, for that matter--grows up overnight. At least it seems that way. Elaine's afraid to see it happening. That's natural for mothers and
grandmothers, I suppose. She was the same with Zipporah."
"Why?"
"Oh, I suppose they don't want to see their children and grandchildren have to face all the problems they know come with it."
"Like what?"
"Boys, for one thing," he said, widening his smile. "Worrying about relationships, looks, the whole ball of wax, as they say. You ever hear the expression `Little kids, little problems, big kids, bigger problems'?"
"No. Where would I hear it?"
"Right. Where would you? Which is something I wanted to talk to you about, Alice."
He continued walking.
"What is?"
"You should try to do more with your opportunities at school. You're spending too much time alone.
Join clubs, teams, whatever, anything that will help you get out more. Despite how protective and worried she seems sometimes, I'm sure your grandmother would like to see that, like to see you do more social activities. It's not good to spend so much time by yourself at your age."
I felt tears coming to my eyes. Did he think all this was my fault?
He glanced at me because I was so silent.
"I'm not complaining or criticizing you, honey. I just want you to be happier. You should do fun things kids your age are doing. I mean, I love your paintings and I think you might just make something of your art, but you want to also do things that enable you to be with other kids your age."
"It's not because I don't want to," I said, which was at least a half-truth.
"Oh?"
Surely he had noticed my isolation before this, I thought. This was just his way of investigating.
"The school is full of cliques. I don't exactly fit in with most of them."